The Campbells

A Looooong Time Ago

2011-05-03T08:40:00.001-07:00

That is when I last posted. This crazy month has been so crazy. We've been in and out of so much this month! Here's what I haven't posted so far:

1. We went on vacation with the Campbell side of our family. It was so fun, and Micah and Levi got to play and play at the lake house we went to!

2. We had a really fun easter, and Levi looked so cute. We had a fun easter egg hunt at Mimi and Pops' house. L and Micah looked so cute finding eggs. Then we spent Sunday at Yaya and Uncle Duck's house eating and egg hunting and dying Easter eggs. So fun.

3. Sean surprised me with a super fun anniversary weekend at the Hilton Anatole in Dallas. And Surprise! The Millers were there! We had a lot of fun, even though the boys played raquetball and ski ball while Nicole and I talked and watched Tangled :) It was such a fun surprise, the boys did good :)

4. Levi spent the weekend with Gigi and Papa, and came back really spoiled. He keeps telling me no and throwing fits. I expected it, but it is driving me crazy!

Aaaand, he's crying now, so I have to get him up from a nap. I will post pictures soon!

Did that happen, or was it a dream?

2011-03-10T03:07:00.000-08:00

Okay, so 7 is too early to take my meds. Thank you Jared, Shane, Natalie, Nate, and of course precious Sean for putting up with/carrying me last night. That was rough.

Speaking of Natalie and Nate (the Hissins), I want to publicly say on my blog that you two are amazing. I won't share all of the reasons you are so amazing for two reasons: Natalie might pee her pants from embarrassment, and I won't steal your reward in Heaven by giving it to you here (see Matthew ch 6). But I do want you to see in front of everyone that I am so incredibly grateful to you two for all you have done for Sean and Levi and me. You have blessed our family beyond belief. If you aren't friends with Nate and Natalie, you should be :)

Here's a video of Levi saying thank you to the Hissins.

In case you can't understand him, the first think he says is Nate, and then you can probably hear me telling him the rest. :)

They Touched This Morning...

2011-03-03T08:31:00.000-08:00

Okay, so quick fun fact about my Sean and me: We are no-touch sleepers. We will sometimes cuddle before we go to sleep, but there is not now, nor has there ever been any sleep touching in our marriage. After we have cuddled an adequate amount of time for one or both of us, we retreat to our edges of the bed, and sleep soundly and independently. We just like our space.

Well this morning I had a hard time sleeping. I woke up at 5:30 and just couldn't get back to sleep. I got up, checked my email, looked at some stuff online, you know. The usual stuff you do when you can't sleep. But then I finally decided that I should try and sleep in the few precious hours left before I had a screaming toddler to tend to. So I got back in bed.

And then they touched. Our heels. My Sean and I had a brief moment of sleep connection. Well, he was asleep. I was awake. And for some reason, the slight brush of his heel on mine just filled me up! I was flooded with the sheer amount of emotion I feel for him. I adore that man. He has made me a better person. In more than one way.

There is always that rubbing and chipping away at you that happens when you are learning to live with someone else. Grrrr, it can be frustrating. But it is one of the Lord's beautiful refining tools. Not to make us happy, but to make us holy.

But it isn't just that rough sandpaper-y change that Sean has enacted in me. He has taught me so much. He is genuine--all the time. He ALWAYS thinks the best of people no matter what, even when they disappoint him again and again. He knows how to be content. He is very slow to anger. He is incredibly teachable and open minded. He stands firm on his beliefs, but is willing to change how he thinks at the Lord's calling. I want to be more like him.

So...just a post to say I love him. He is perfect for me. And I'm going to try and convince him to snuggle tonight. Until it's time to sleep, of course :)

Public Enemy #1

2011-02-22T16:44:00.000-08:00

Yes folks. Get a good look at this milk crusted face. This is public enemy #1.

Don't believe me? Ask the Rushings. Or the Travis fam, Or the Pattersons x 2. Or the Campbells Senior. Their snot-soaked tissue piles will be all the evidence you need.

If you see this baby, do NOT kiss him. Do NOT pinch his chubby little cheeks, however tempting it may be. You know what? Don't even look at him. Or your tissue pile will be mountainous as well.

So Levi got RSV. Somehow. Even though this little criminal's daddy is often gone early and back late, he somehow passed it on to him. Shortly after Levi was caught coughing in his baby cousin's face, Judah received the precious gift of RSV as well. After a weekend of playing at Mimi and Pops's house, Mimi, Pops, Micah, and Aunt Rachael contracted said virus. Micah became L's parter in crime by passing it to his Patterson cousins, Sam and Ben, and they graciously shared with their parents as well.

So there are several criminals of the irresistibly cute variety out there, armed and dangerous. And their parents may be dangerous as well, for a different reason: they feel like poop and have to care for small children who feel like poop, and these children are the reason they feel like poop in the first place. This situation is wildly out of control!

But not really. It is just a stinky situation. For everyone. Even Public Enemy #1. He's feeling a tad better, but he hasn't seen Mommy or Daddy in over 24 hours, so he will be getting to the end of his brighter side fairly soon. He's definitely not used to being away from me for more than a few hours. But he'll survive. It's me that might not. I miss my little "Typhoid Mary." I'm prepared to harbor the tiny fugitive should he come back into my custody.

So seriously, I took 2 Nyquil and an Ambien before writing this so I'm not sure how long I will actually write something that makes sense. Especially because before I proofread I typed "serioulsy" and "sence" and those are not words. Not at all.

Also I wanted to support my claims that there are in fact mountains of tissues. I wanted to do this by showing you a picture. But even my camera is so grossed out by my snot tissue mountain, it will not come out of hiding to capture a shot.

Well in all honesty I fell asleep while writing this last night and fell out of my chair. On the floor! I need to go to bed earlier.

Humility, Power, and the Green Bay Packers

2011-02-06T21:07:00.000-08:00

Here is a precious picture of the generations of Campbell men enjoying football together. Read on to hear the great Campbell/Travis/Rushing/Patterson story of the Super Bowl.

Okay, so we were so excited to take little L-man out in the snow. We thought it would be joyous and wonderful. In our new-parent visions of snow days, Levi would jump and frolic, making snowmen, snow balls and snow angels all morning long. Ahhh, but reality sets in when he only lasts 4 and 1/2 minutes and sits on the ground and cries as if we were torturing him. He did make one snow ball before he went into a full on meltdown. Here he is looking semi-happy.

So of course, the only option you have after being covered in snow against your will is to strip down to your diaper and snuggle with Dad!

And I had to add, that on this particular snow day, Levi decided to take up photography as a hobby. This is his first expression of himself through art:

I have to say, not bad for a tiny, uncoordinated baby. In fact, I say it is quite artistic.

So let me tell you about the best Super Bowl ever. As you may know, my father is a die-hard, sweat and tears, winning or losing, share-holding, cheese hat-wearing, green and gold Packer fan. Throughout the many years of disappointing football, he has supported them faithfully. Farve or no Farve, playoff games or epic fails, regardless of the climate of the NFL, my dad will not give up on the Pack. Never ever.

So of course, as you can assume, this was a big day for him. And we HAD to have a Super Bowl party. (Well actually we wanted to send him to the game SO BADLY. But 2200 dollars a seat just isn't realistic, Mr. Jones! It is outrageous. That's what it is) So because actually attending was just not going to happen, we decided to have a party at my parents house.

Now the back story. My in laws are die-hard Cowboy fans. We have watched games together before, and there was much trash-talk and gnashing of teeth. But we wanted so badly for all of the family to be together. So we set it up. We made it happen and my in-laws came ready to support my dad. They came through BEAUTIFULLY! At one point, the entire room was chanting "GO PACK GO!" I was so touched by how supportive they were of my dad and his team. I married into the BEST family in the world. Except maybe for the family Sean married into :) Here is a picture my mom took in the middle of the festivities.

And here's a secret: I am so relieved that the Pack came through, because I think my father would have imploded and caused a giant black hole in the universe had the outcome been different. More than once I thought we were doomed. Ahhh, but if for grace!

And of course, Micah and Levi could care less about the game, but they learned so much about sharing! Oh, isn't it fun to teach your children how to share? Man. We are sinful and selfish from birth, for sure. But how deep is the Father's mercy! Here they are reading a book together. Love. Them.

Also, my sweet baby nephew Judah was dedicated to the Lord by his precious parents last Sunday. They were asked to choose "Godly influences" for their children, somewhat similar to a God parent. These people were committing to praying for the child and influencing them throughout their lives for the Gospel. I was honored, and humbled to stand on stage and make that commitment to my sister, brother in law and sweet baby Judah. We also got to pray over him. What an honor. Mmmm.

As for me, I am being refined. And it is powerful, and painful, and wonderful. I feel like the Lord has put two words heavy on my heart lately, and working through them has been difficult and freeing.

The first thing I feel like He is putting before me is humility. So many verses of Scripture jumped out at me as I read, calling me to humility. At first I was confused, because I understood humility as the opposite of pride. And my understanding of pride was that the prideful think they are more important, or better than everyone else. And that isn't me. If anything, I think EVERYONE is better than me. My insecurities consume me sometimes. They affect how I dress, how I behave, even how I worship sometimes. So surely I don't struggle with pride.

Ohhhhh. This part hurts. The Lord spoke clearly to me. He laid on my heart that pride isn't always thinking you are better or more important than other people. It's when your thoughts are consumed with YOU and not the interests of others.

My insecurity prohibits me from exhibiting true humility. Humility isn't feeling badly about yourself. Humility is being consumed with the interests of others. It is loving Jesus so much, that you love His church, His people more than you love yourself. When I am consumed with whether or not I am doing the right thing, saying the right thing, worshipping the right way, wearing the right clothes I am focused on ME ME ME! That is not humility. That is the sneaky, ugly pride that masquerades as humility. And I am so glad that I serve a God that doesn't let the sneaky, ugly sin hide in the darkness. He brings everything to light and frees us from the bondage of those sneaky, ugly sins. I desire humility.

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." Proverbs 11:2

Since this post is ridiculously long, I will share about POWER in my next post! If you catch me in my pride, call me out in the name of Jesus! Speak Truth with power over me, friends! I will respond in humility :)

The Little Things

2011-01-21T09:46:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I am convinced that God chose me to be Levi's mommy for many reasons. I don't know all of them. But I feel like many of them are for my own benefit, rather than his. That little boy punches me in the stomach with more conviction than I can keep up with! Every day I feel like he is teaching me something else about my faith and God's desire for my relationship with Him.

Example #1: Like I wrote in my last post, my son has a love for the stories and words of God in scripture that even I envy. He is passionate about listening to the Word. Every night he wants to hear a story about "Seesus." He looks forward to it, tries to

make his time in the Word come faster. He has listened to the entire Jesus Storybook Bible 3 times. Somehow of all the books in his little library, he know

s this one is different, and he delights in it. Oh how I long for his delight in the Word.

Example #2: A few afternoons ago, my mom and sister and I were eating at a cute little tea room in Haltom City called Sipliciteas at Lonestar Antiques with Levi and Baby Judah. The first thing we did was ask for some crackers for the L-man because he gets crazy without something to play with or eat. As soon as he got is crackers he started whining loudly and reaching across the table for me. After we tried to shush him, he reached out his h

and again and bowed his head. He was reminding us that not even his hunger or desire to play was more important than being grateful for the Giver of all good things. Now, we do pray before every meal when we are out with my family. He has seen it many times. But he wasn't joining in a prayer. He was demanding that we stop and thank God. Now, I know that my son doesn't know exactly what he is doing. I know that his understanding is

extremely limited. But that doesn't change what Abba Father is using him to show me. He speaks loudly and clearly through my child.

"Through the praise of children and infants You have esta

blished a stronghold against Your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger." Psalm 8:2

Those are very profound things he teaches me about loving God. About passionate desire for Him.

But my precious Levi also teaches me through his disobedience. He is so strong willed. Which means he will be a powerful leader...if I can reign it in a bit.

The other day I was playing with him in the living room, and he said "Bye bye mama," and went in his room. I watched him go down the hall and start playing with some toys. Now I try and always keep his door open when he's in there, even if he wants to play alone. He always tries t

o shut it. But usually I am able to foil all of his attempts. But this particular day, he evaded my intervention. He shut the door. I could hear him giggle after it closed, he was so happy! He had been wanting to shut that door as long as he could remember. And then, after his brief moment of victory, he realized he was alone. Closing the door had separated us. He couldn't see me, and he panicked. That hard-headed little stinker started cryi

ng out to me and pounding his little fists on the door. I empathized with him in that moment. I have felt that very same way. I have closed the door on my Jesus to keep Him from seeing what I was doing. And in the midst of my disobedience I realize that I can't see Him. I realize that I'm alone, that it has separated us and I panic. And His mercy reaches out to me as I cry out and po

und on the door.

So wow, one little bitty one year old has definitely brought to light so many spiritual truths. He is a little ball of conviction, and a picture of forgiveness and mercy.

Especially when he gets drunk on milk and picks his nose.

or wears my underwear as a tie.

Seesus

2011-01-16T20:52:00.000-08:00

Weird title, right? I thought it was weird too when it was shouted at me by my worried-looking one-year-old. Now, in all fairness, I shouldn't be surprised that I have no idea what he is trying to say. Most of the time he just talks jibberish to himself. But he looked REALLY upset and kept saying "Seesus" and running away in an effort to help me see that he actually wanted me to follow him and find out for my self why "Seesus" was such an urgent matter.

So he went into the study (We are at my parents house) and grabbed a book. This book just happened to be The Jesus Storybook Bible. (If you haven't heard about this book and you have a small child, go here to check it out.)

Yes, friends. My baby, my little baby that I birthed a mere 1 year ago, was saying "Jesus," and wanting me to share in his exploration of who Jesus is. It was the single most fulfilling moment of motherhood I have yet to experience. It will probably remain the most fulfilling until the day my precious son falls at the feet of his Jesus and enters into the family of the redeemed. And he will. Even now at such a young age, his heart is stirred toward the Lover of his soul and a passion for the Word. And I have prayed for that since the moment I found out I was going to be his mommy.

But guiding him on that path is painful, can I get an amen? There is no step by step manual for raising my son to be a godly man. I can't find a book that will help me to ensure that he will fall prostrate before the wounded feet of Christ and give his life to the merciful God that I serve. But the Word seems clear that God expects me to leave deep footprints for my baby to follow. Amazon can't help me. But the precious, sacred, holy Word of God poured out on me can.

"Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them." Deuteronomy 4:9

"These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads." Deuteronomy 6:6-8

"he said to them, “Take to heart all the words I have solemnly declared to you this day, so that you may command your children to obey carefully all the words of this law." Deuteronomy 32:46

Discipline your children, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to their death. Proverbs :19:18

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6

Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire. Proverbs 29:17

And there are so many more. God has given me everything that I need for a godly life (2 Peter 1:3). He did not call me to motherhood without equipping me to do so. He has chosen me to be Levi's mommy. And I can't imagine a greater, more important calling.

He will know that love is not rude. He will now that the Lord will fight for him, he will need only to be still. He will be told the depth of mercy his daddy and I have experienced. We will not forget. We will make those footprints deep.

Ohhh, so he's THAT kid.

2011-01-11T20:36:00.000-08:00

Yes, my friends. He IS that kid. And he is not ashamed. Nor am I. Be free, beloved child. Free to pick your nose in public no matter what the consequence. Social norms have no power over you. Outcast or not, your nasal passages will remain unobstructed!

And thanks for brightening an otherwise dull family picture. You are a rock star.

But seriously, I hope Levi always remembers to be exactly who he is, unashamedly. He has a big personality, and I hope he holds onto it.

Here he is, trying to French kiss his cousin Micah. And Micah is trying to bite his face off. This photo belongs in National Geographic! Ahh, the memories. These two are already best friends. They each carry around a picture of each other and kiss and hold the picture. Levi put his in his super secret hideout in his room. (Behind the changing table in the hole where the diaper genie goes. Don't tell him I know where it is.)

He has recently learned to say "Help," which comes out "Hup," and "taco" which is "tah-oh." His favorite words are "Ya-Ya," "Cot," (Uncle Scott), "Papa", "Mama", "Dah-dih", and "Uh-oh." He also loves to ride in his new red wagon, and anytime he sees it he says "Papa walk!" He is also a good baby, and really takes care of me when I am so sick I can't get off the couch. I love him. He is brave and independent, and has a smile that melts my heart. I mean, look at this smile:

I love being your mommy, Levi Travis Campbell! You are precious to me!

Lame. So lame.

2011-01-05T22:48:00.000-08:00

That is what I am, friends. Lame! I can't believe I didn't blog for the entire Christmas season! Here is my excuse: My husband was out of school! Because of this, I was busy busy chasing after two boys for a month. I think that is a valid reason.

So over the break, we played and played! Well, the boys played more than I did; I did more watching than playing. My health is improving in some ways, and worsening in other ways.

Quick health update before some seriously funny Levi moments. I have seen my doctor several times throughout this whole ordeal. She sent me to a neuro-urologist, a special neurologist and a neuro-ophthalmologist. Lots of doctor visits. Here are my symptoms and then we are moving on. Symptom # 1: Eye pain. The eye pain is usually semi-manageable, but there are days (like today) that I cannot even think because the pain is so severe. Eye pain is probably the worst pain I've had from MS. This could be/probably is due to permanent nerve damage from optic neuritis. Pain management is all we can do for that. Symptom #2: Fatigue. I know it sounds like no big deal, I mean, everyone gets fatigued. But I have days (like today again) that I cannot get out of bed. My body will not cooperate and it doesn't matter what is going on, I cannot get up. I cry a lot during these times. Before Christmas I was walking with a cane almost every day. Symptom #3: Electric shocks. These go from my head or shoulders down my body. When they are happening, sometimes my hands twitch and I can't hold a butter knife or put a straw into my Chick-fil-a sweet tea. My dexterity disappears. The doc thinks these are probably seizures. Bummer. I will update when I have some solid answers. Pray that they don't get worse. They are the most scary and uncomfortable symptom I've ever had.

Okay, so that is public enemies #s 1, 2, and 3. But I am NOT unhappy. I am Not letting Satan turn something God intends to be refining into something disheartening. By His grace I have been able to continue serving at church on the worship team, and I have been so blessed by them. They have helped me up and down the stairs, let me use chairs, and been understanding when I needed a mic stand for support while we were leading. God is so overwhelmingly good. He deliberately puts us in situations that call for total dependence on Him and his mercy. Then He powerfully administers His grace in unimaginable ways. I am in awe of Him daily. He quiets my anxious spirit and comforts my broken heart.

And the Word says that "our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body." I can hold out for that. I have Hope. And HE will not disappoint.

So on to Levi, who is probably the only reason anyone reads this blog anyway :) Its okay, I am getting used to being popular by way of my child. So Levi...I don't even know what to say about him. He is busy. And very...physical. He wears me out. The doc has told me that I need at least one, but preferably 2 days a week that I am not the sole caregiver. But I'm fearful that he will have killed me before those two days a week. He's EVERYWHERE. And he is precious. His favorite word right now is "Daddy" which he pronounces "Dad-dih." He also says "Mama" but only because he wants me to say "Levi" and then he repeats "Mama" and we go on and on like this. He loves balls, and is usually carrying one at all times. He got a bowling set for Christmas and enjoys knocking the pins over with his teeball bat. He loves is blue bear, which we affectionately call "Stinky Bear" because, well, he is very stinky. We wash him, soak him with oxyclean, but he is still stinky. And no other stuffed toy will do. Stinky Bear is starting to look very "Velveteen Rabbit"-ish. Maybe he will turn into a REAL 8 inch high blue bear.

Levi also loves baths. If the bathroom door opens for any reason, he is at the tub faster than I can catch him, with one leg already climbing in. When he does get in the bath he says "Bubbles!" He loves bubbles in his bath. He also loves his cousin Micah. He talks about Micah when he plays sometimes, but the name comes out "Cock." And when Micah hears Levi say cock, he says "Doo Doo." It is hilarious. Levi is a little rough for Micah right now, but I think they will grow into each other.

There is so much more to say, but this post is super long. I will start posting more often, and shorter posts. And pictures will come next time!

Sunday Again

2010-12-12T23:17:00.000-08:00

Ok, Y'all. This picture describes our family right now. Stuck in a chair trying to get up! Disability denied my claim. I am not getting paid right now at all. And Sean brought home a whopping 350 this month. And I am not the least bit frightened, or worried, or anxious. What a wonderful work the Lord is doing in me!

So a few weeks ago, right after I applied for disability, I was spending some serious time in prayer (arguing with God about the helpless situation He allowed me to fall into, where I literally have no control). As I prayed about our situation, me not being able to work, I felt like the Lord was urging me to ask Him for disability to deny us. I fought that urge. That is NOT what I wanted, and essentially I was saying "Not Your will, Lord, but mine be done." My pride, my fear, my anxiety would not let me humble myself to pray that prayer. Deep down, I didn't trust Him.

Then I felt the urge again, and it seemed like He was telling me "Trust me. Let this go, be destitute and needy and see how I will bless you, take care of you. It will be beyond what you could imagine."

As I wrapped that time with Him up, I was still holding tight to what I knew was "safe" and that was getting some money coming in. I wanted to pray that prayer, but I just couldn't.

But where I fall short, and can't pray what I need to pray, Jesus, my advocate, my mediator steps in. And He asked God for what was best for me and for my family.

So, as you can probably imagine, they did in fact deny my claim. There is absolutely nothing we can do. It's private disability insurance because teachers don't pay into Social Security. We are walled in. But my God is Jehovah Jireh. And He was waiting for me to surrender so that He could show me how He will provide for us. There is absolutely no way that He will let us down.

As crazy as my life feels right now, the Father has walked this road before me. He has prepared provision for us, and He is faithful to His promise that He will provide. I can't wait to see what he has in store for us! I am amazingly peaceful. I trust Him! He has spoken peace over me this week, and assured me that He is on His throne today just as he was with the Israelites as they crossed the Red Sea. He is the God who provides.

Praise Him that He sees us, and that He loves us! Praise Him that His plans are purposeful and intentional! Praise Him that He is Jehovah Jireh, the God who provides! Though I may not sit at the table of kings, God is my portion! He feeds me from the abundance of His hands! Whether He provides by financially blessing us to be able to continue our lifestyle as it is, or we end up under the bridge, I will praise Him for His everlasting faithfulness!

And here is what the Lord has called me to in this season: Stillness.

"Now then, stand still and see this great thing that the Lord is about to do before your eyes!" 1 Samuel 12:16

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" Exodus 14:14

Levi: Thanks for sharing.

2010-12-06T19:46:00.000-08:00

So I got it too. Yes, I am talking about the infamous "tummy bug." But don't worry, I was sure to make a dramatic presentation of it. You know me. So here's how it went down:

I woke up Sunday morning feeling a little, well, uneasy. You know how it is. Not hungry, not full, not...good. Since my recent bout with doctor visits, I am currently taking 1298349872348971298375 different medicines, so whether I am hungry or not, I have to eat. That many meds will wreck an empty stomach. But I was also very thirsty. I asked my husband to drive through Micky D's for a......large water.

RED FLAG PEOPLE!

And no, I am not talking about the fact that they actually charged us 11 cents for water. I am talking about how crazy it is for me to ask for water. I will drink off-brand lemon/lime before I will drink water. But alas, my husband wasn't alerted to the fact that this was a dire situation, so he sat by after worship practice as I ate both halves of a giant cinnamon bagel. Ohhhh. Yes.

Needless to say, I felt worse. I laid down as we waited for Band Bible Fellowship to start, and incidentally slept through the entire thing. At the time I was okay with that, but looking back my cheeks are definitely red. But not as red as they were about to be as this story unfolds.

I woke up just in time for us to join hands and begin praying. At the end of said prayer, we were to start the 10:00 service with joyful Christmas caroling. Just as the prayer started, however, my mouth got cold and began to water...the dreaded sign that you are about to release whatever it is you intended to stay inside you.

I let go from the joining of hands. I rushed through the door of Pastor James' office. I raced past the older gentlemen copying the sermon onto dvds. I had almost made it. Into the Worship Office....and...the first surge came up. But I was hopeful! I covered my mouth with my hand and kept running. I rounded the corner and was about to open the bathroom door.....when....two more surges gripped me and I projectile vomited all over the door and the floor in front of the door. Ohhhhh.

I immediately began apologizing, assuming that seeing as how it was less that 10 minutes before the service started, that SOMEONE had witnessed this catastrophic accident. I ran into the bathroom and finished my episode in the first available toilet. From behind me an unknown kind stranger handed me wet paper towels to wipe away the left over....particles. (I also used them to blow out the chunks still lingering in my nasal cavity.) Come to find out, the unknown stranger was actually Mrs. Watkins. Bless her. She also covered the atrocity in front of the door and ushered all needy patrons to another restroom. She's an angel.

Then came the horrible moment in which I had to show my face to the curious crowd outside the bathroom. Oh the shame! (There wasn't anyone out there. But I imagined there were hundreds.)

Needless to say, I did not appear on stage ready to usher the churchgoers into worship. I called my Daddy. He came to get me. Puke covered scarf and all. As we were leaving, I saw the janitor cleaning MY vomit off of the Men's room door. At least I was thorough.

I want to issue a formal apology to all those patient women who were unable to ease their urgency, or touch up their makeup that fateful morning. I accept full responsibility for the..uhem, mess. And I would like to issue a formal "thank you" to Mrs. Watkins. That was not what you thought you'd be doing when you dressed for church that morning, was it? Bless your precious heart!

Seriously though, I was assured many times that we all go through this. Fortunately for most, though, they are 7 years old when it happens.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-12-01T08:56:00.001-08:00

Wow, I didn't even know you ate that!

2010-11-30T13:04:00.000-08:00

Levi is sick. Not like "Oh no, my baby has a fever of 99.9" sick. Really sick. Last night, I heard him wake up (We are staying at my parents and I was on the computer in the next room) and start crying. This happens some times because he gets all confused about where he is sleeping since we go from Mom's house to home and back. Normally, I just let him cry a little and he soothes himself and goes back to sleep. On this fateful night, however, he did not go back to sleep. He was coughing a lot, like a gagging sound, so I stuck my head in, and he was sitting up, but he was breathing so I left him in there. After about 10 minutes, I decided just to go to bed and put him in bed with me. When I entered the room, I was accosted by a smell I have not smelled before. Ever. I thought to myself "Self, he must have poo pooed a LOT and it leaked everywhere. Don't panic, we have walked this road before."

But we had NOT walked this road before, y'all.

As I approached the pack 'n play, I saw it. Chunky. Multi-colored. Sticky. EVERYWHERE. Yes, friends. It was puke. PUKE! And we are not talking baby spit up "Ew it's yucky!" My child had blown serious, real, grown up cookies. And to make matters worse, he had laid down in it and coated his right side thoroughly. Puke in his hair, puke on his jammies, puke in his ears, puke on Stinky Bear, puke on the blankets. Not a single element of L's sleeping space was untouched by the sheer volume of vomit he had up-chucked.

I hate to admit what went through my head at that moment. For a split second, I debated whether or not to pick him up. Mercy, Lord! Oh how children challenge your selfishness!

Well, I did pick him up. Right now I have a hard time walking when I am just carrying my own weight, so I had to hold him closely in order to keep from dropping him. And bless his heart, he laid his vomit-coated head right on my shoulder and nuzzled into my hair. And you know what? The grace of the Lord covered me and I did not throw him down!

I did, however, call out for my parents. This was around 10:00, and they were already in bed, but they were awake, watching TV. They both came running, and whisked L away to a warm bath. Mom scrubbed him raw as Dad played with him to distract him. I stripped down and borrowed another T-shirt from my mom's closet. The truth is, after all the scrubbing, he still STANK, people. That stuff wasn't going down without a fight! But we were victorious. Praise Him.

Dad ended up sleeping on the couch while Levi and I took his side of their bed. Mom and I did not sleep. We tried giving him some water/juice, and he threw that up, with one tiny chunk of the hamburger he ate yesterday. Then he threw up another strange liquid. Then he dry heaved. I was bawling. It is HORRIBLE seeing your child so sick. And every time he threw up, he cried and reached out for me. Ohhhhhh, it is so painful! You just want to make it better and you can't.

Well, he hasn't thrown up since 2 am or so, and that's good, but he also has only had 1 wet diaper. We finally got him to take 1 1/2 bottles of pedialyte and a few bites of a saltine cracker. He won't take a popsicle, or jello, and I won't give him anything else yet.

Well, I'm sure you are so pleased about reading every little detail of Levi's first vomit experience, right? I may write a book. This material is good.

"Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him." Psalm 127:3

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-17T14:39:00.000-08:00

Conviction

2010-11-07T21:53:00.000-08:00

Sisters, (and/or brothers, if that be the case) I am convicted. In fact, the Lord has held me in a state of contrition for at least a week now, with the enemy fighting to turn the humility the Lord desires of me into vanity, self-deprecating thoughts and verbiage, insecurity, doubt, anxiety, and any other perversion of humility he can contrive. For weeks now, the Father has been calling me to Himself, whispering for me to look outside my tiny inch of eternity and be captured by His holiness and glory, and instead I have allowed the enemy to focus my heart on my weaknesses, my fears, and my insecurities. I have felt this gnawing feeling that everyone knows something that I don't know about life, and they are wondering when I will get it. That people are talking about me, about how I fall short of expectations and standards. Honestly, I have heard the enemy whisper that I am a burden, that I am not liked, that I don't belong. And with those lies comes fear that I will be found out. When will everyone see that I am such a fraud?! But this weekend, I went to the Women's Conference at First Baptist Irving, and there my conviction was confirmed, as well as the faithfulness of God to walk me through. (And PS, I can defeat those particular lies with Scripture: "His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness." 2 Peter 1:3)

Have you felt before the difference between the feeling of conviction, and the feeling of guilt? Conviction, to me, feels more like a twinge, or sometimes a burn. Guilt feels like an empty pit. Or sour stomach. And Satan has tried savagely to convince me in the past weeks that that my twingy burn is an empty pit. But it isn't friends, and God was indeed satisfied to look on Christ crucified and pardon me instead and because of that, the empty pit of guilt and shame has no place in me. But the twinge of conviction brings me closer to Christ, and conforms me more closely into His image. It is a gift from God, not a punishment or condemnation.

So back to my conviction. But before that, let me lay before you a confession: through all of the fear and uncertainty of the past month, before Friday, I had not come before the Lord in humility and told Him that I trusted Him. I hadn't even told him that I DIDN"T trust Him, I hadn't told Him anything. I hadn't petitioned Him for anything. I hadn't used His Word as a light unto my path in this dark time for my family. I let my sadness, my worry, my anxiety, and honestly my own self-pity block Him out.

But "He knows how we are formed. He remembers that we are dust." Ps 103:14

Glory to the Father! Even in His holiness he remembers that I am dust. His patience with me is unfathomable. Even at this stage in my spiritual walk with Jesus, I found myself in this place of complacency and spiritual lethargy. But this is what my precious Heavenly Father brought to mind:

Hmmm, it is beautiful isn't it? That even though He knows how I was formed, He remembers that I am dust, and He is "familiar with ALL my ways," he counted me worthy of this precious gift. What kind of legacy am I leaving for this baby boy, who is the absolute joy of my heart? Is it a legacy of faith and perseverance? Am I a good steward of this treasure, destined to be admonished with "Well done good and faithful servant?"

Well there is good news and bad news about that. The bad news is no, I am not. Right now, as I sit typing this, I am not. All of my good intentions of leaving deep footprints of faithfulness for my son to follow have fallen away as life has spun around like a revolving door. I have believed absolute lies, and counted the blessings of God as burdens. But here is the good news: "he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil. 1:6 And as the generations of women repeatedly encouraged us at the conference this weekend, God's faithfulness to His promises and to His Word NEVER FAIL. I am not the godly woman, wife, and mother that God has called me to be. Are you? But He isn't finished with us yet. So I am going to make some commitments to Him, to myself, to my family, to you, dear friends. Here they are:

1. I am going to commit to FIGHTING for time with the Father every day, as my sweet friend Lauren encouraged this weekend. He is the lifeblood of who I am, without Him I am nothing. That's reason enough to get up before the baby does!
2. I am going to commit to praying for and speaking Scripture over and to my son daily. He is my responsibility, and my purpose in raising him is single: That he may know Christ and Him crucified. Scripture, prayer, and the power of the Holy Spirit are my only hope.
3. I am going to commit to memorizing the Word. I started this in college, and did well, but it hasn't been a priority since then. And I can't very well speak it over and to my children if I don't know it, so there you go.
4. I am going to commit to prayer. Not just in a specified time of the day that I have set aside for the Lord. But constantly, consistently, desperately. I want to be a prayer warrior for my family, my friends, my church, the lost, my country, my leaders, broken for what breaks the Father.

Ask me about it. Tell me if this touches your heart or if the Lord convicts you like He convicts me. Share your thoughts. I hear whispers of those of you who read my blog and tell my MOM about it, leave your thoughts and comments or I won't believe her when she tells me you read it :)

"We will not hide them from their descendants; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power, and the wonders he has done. He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our ancestors to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands." Ps 78:4-7

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-03T19:43:00.000-07:00

Baby Judah and Trick or Treat Make-up

2010-11-02T18:24:00.000-07:00

Well, Baby Judah is finally here! I know my sister is so glad, he was crowding her! He arrived on Halloween, 10/31/10 at 10:49 in the morning. He is 7 lbs 3 oz, and 19 inches long! Almost exactly the same size as his cousin. Whitney always did try to copy me :)

Mommy and baby are doing wonderfully! I am so proud of my little sis. She went into labor on Saturday night, but didn't go into the hospital until around 3:30 am. She had her epidural after about 2 hours, and then she progressed really quickly. Sean, Levi, and I were there all day, and literally, people we didn't even know commented on how well my son behaved. I was so proud :)

Today, we went trick or treating (more on that later) and this is Sean holding sweet Judah.

Papa, Levi, and Judah snuggling on the couch. Levi is going to struggle with sharing Papa with another little person. Side story: When we took Levi to look at puppies, he stomped one of them. True story. Stomped it's little 1/2 pound head. Be afraid, Judah. Be very afraid.

Mommy, Judah, and Gigi snuggling after Mommy fed Judah. Another side story: Judah looks just like Whitney did when she was a newborn. My mom must feel like she is in the twilight zone!

Okay, so before you view the next set of pictures, let me explain why we are Trick-or-Treating two days after Halloween. As aforementioned, Whitney had her baby on Halloween. Sean and Levi and I were up at the hospital all day long, and we got there at 4am. Needless to say, none of us were physically or mentally able to last long enough to go Trick-or-Treating, or make it to Fall-a-palooza at church :( I was very disappointed because I worked very hard on our costumes! (Except Levi's which I purchased.) So we talked to my mom's neighbors and convinced them to do a little Trick-or-Treat Makeup session. It was fabulous. Here are the pictures:

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee're off to see the Wizard!

If I only had a heart!

Neither one of them were fond of the hats I made them wear. But it worked out great for a picture!

TRICK OR TREAT!!!!! He was such a good little Trick or Treater!

Candy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He loved it! Or rather, WE loved it. It was so much fun. After we hit up the neighbors, we hit up Ya-Ya and Uncle Scott. Levi got to hold "Ball" (which is what he calls Judah) and eat fruit snacks and pretzels. All in all, I would say it was a great Fake Halloween!

Update

2010-10-28T18:13:00.000-07:00

Hey friends, I just wanted to give you a quick update on my health. I don't want this blog to turn into a huge bummer, so I will make the bad news zippy:

I still can't see out of my left eye. This makes driving impossible, and since optic neuritis comes with lots of swelling in the optic nerve, it makes headaches inevitable. The headaches make me feel nauseous pretty much constantly. Boo. This issue is what is making it the hardest to function.

Also, I am having pretty bad fatigue. My legs and arms feel like they weigh 100000000000 pounds, which makes it hard to get around. Usually I start out in the morning fairly normal-feeling, but I peter out pretty soon after lunch. This week I have had doctors appointments during the day, and the appointment and lunch are pretty much all I can handle. If I stay home all day, rest, and stay sitting, I can function semi-normally. Add any physical activity and I collapse at around 3.

So long story short, I am on FMLA leave from work for now. I have no idea what will happen. Pray pray pray friends!

My Little Pumpkin is ONE!

2010-10-25T18:27:00.000-07:00

This is Levi on his birthday. He is obviously very excited about it. I made him that little star, just for funsies. Because I am ill, we didn't really get to do much on his birthday, but we did take him to Chick-Fil-A so he could play in the play place. I think he probably enjoyed it just as much as he would have enjoyed any other birthday celebrations we might have had :)

Grandpa was definitely the main attraction. "Grandpa, what are we still doing sitting here when there is fun happening in the playplace??!?!?"

Mommy and Levi playing together. Actually, as you can see, he just wanted to play. He could have taken me or left me.

Lovin on Gigi and Grandpa :)

Lovin' on Mommy and Daddy!

More lovin' on Mommy! I can't get enough of his sweet kisses!

Okay, so let me tell you about my big one-year-old and all that he can do:

1. He has taken steps. Yes, friends, about a week or two before his birthday he took his first step. Sean was there, and so were our good friends Chris and Michelle. So far he has taken 6 consecutive steps at a time, but he averages about 2 or three before he gives up usually. Let's face it, crawling is so much faster for now!

2. He is quite the talker. He says Mama, Dadda, Gigi, Papa, Ya ya, ball and bubble. And lots of gibberish. But he mostly says ball. Ball ball ball ball ball. And he can spot a ball-shaped object from miles away. The kid is definitely going to be into sports.

3. Speaking of balls, he loves to play with them and throw them. Soccer balls, bouncy balls, footballs, whatever he can get his hands on. He even loves my mom's giant exercise ball. He can roll them back and forth with us, and sometimes he just throws it and goes and gets it over and over. He is special.

4. He still growls. We took him to a wedding and he growled through the whole thing. I was embarrassed, but he sure wasn't!

5. He eats 3 meals a day, breakfast lunch and dinner, and eats whatever we are eating usually. I am starting to order him his own food at restaurants. He loves juice boxes and using straws.
6. He is so happy. The kid smiles and smiles, and laughs and laughs. As long as we get our 2 naps a day, we are good to go!
7. He is still sleeping 10-12 hours at night, and taking 2 naps a day. When we visit other people's houses he struggles a little, but we are definitely not complaining about this kiddos sleeping patterns!
8. He still loves Papa more than anyone. Who knows what Dad has that the rest of us are obviously lacking, but he is the man in Levi's eyes. Here they are watching the Green Bay game in their jerseys.
9. Random fact: He loves my sister's bellybutton. Hmm. I know this is weird, and none of us understand, but he just loves it. I think he is hoping he can pull his little cousin out of there...

10. He is so intuitive. This whole health issue that our family has been struggling with has really affected him. He wants Mama all the time, and is always wanting to snuggle me (which of course I don't mind :) Any time anyone tries to take my blood pressure, or give me a shot or anything, he FREAKS out. My mom put a brown wash cloth on my head the other day because I was really flushed, and he screamed at her, crawled over and yanked it off. He inspected it, and then gave it back, but it really upset him and he would leave my side after that. Poor baby, he is so protective right now.

So that's my baby! He is such an absolute joy. I am so so so so proud and happy that God has given me the opportunity and responsibility of being his mommy. I have never loved anything that God has called me to more than I love "wife and mommy." Those two boys are the lights of my life!

I will post an update tomorrow about what is going on with my health. I will say that it is not favorable, but Sean and I trust the Lord and we are petitioning him for healing. We know that He is mighty to heal, mighty to save. Know, friends, that the Enemy will not be victorious in convincing us that we walk alone, or that we have no hope. The Father is purposeful and intentional. We trust Him. We will continue to trust Him no matter what.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-10-20T13:37:00.000-07:00

Levi's Birthday party! EG: A much less depressing post.

2010-10-18T15:12:00.000-07:00

(Kiddos decorating guitars that I spent forever cutting out. We had glitter, markers, star spangles, and paint. Also, this was a "backstage area" where the kids could spray color and glitter in their hair, use glitter makeup, and choose as many tattoos as their bodies could possibly handle. These activities proved to be a HUGE hit.)

So I definitely gave birth to a super-star stud, as my son proved at his Rock n Roll, Rock Star Birthday party. I have never in my life seen a more handsome, suave, smooth, ladies man of a one year old in my LIFE. No lie. Ask anyone who was there. Here he is with one of his girlfriends, Madeline:
Madeline babysits him sometimes, and she is FABULOUS. I have her info if you live near Arlington and need someone.

And here is his his Rock Star birthday cake! Carrie made it, my precious friend who watches Levi while I am at work. She is AMAZING. Mom picked out the candles, they were great.

Carrie also made this cake, the guitar was white cake, and this one was chocolate. They were both delicious.
Here was the cake table. Since I was really sick this weekend, my mom, Nicole Miller, Emily Dennis, my mother-in-law, and my sister in law did all of this. Sean and Jay (Nicole's sweet husband) inflated all the balloons.

Inside the bags were star sun glasses, guitar bubble necklaces, several music-makers, and lots of candy. They were so fun. Also, you can see that L came home with lots of loot.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand, we had a clown. A FULL SERVICE clown, even. He did balloon animals AND a magic show! (This is actually Mike, Sean's friend from PA school. He did a magic show and balloon animals at his own daughter's first birthday party about 2 months ago, and we claimed our own show before we even left her party, haha) He was a big hit.

Everyone seemed to have a good time. There was a lot going on!

This is the Hyde family. They are amazing. Let me just tell you that since Sean has been in school, John and Shelley have been so supportive of both of us, always there as friends and helpers. We are so lucky to know them. They went by and picked up all the pizza from Ninos, and then spent the whole party making cotton candy in the kitchen. Servants, I tell you. I want to grow up and be more like them.

Levi and another girlfriend of his, Katelyn. Her daddy is the clown. And her mommy is a dear friend. They also have been so supportive and have really been there for us through PA school. John and Mike really help hold Sean up through all of this.

PS, Katelyn is 2 months older than L, and everytime they hang out, Levi gains new skills. She may look super-dainty, but she is a rock star for sure.

Here is a family pic with the entertainment! Funny story, Carrie's youngest kiddo, Camrie, refused to come in the room until the clown had vacated the premises. Even after he wiped off his makeup, she still stared at him warily.

And here is our cake picture. Honestly, most of it was on the floor, and Levi was highly uninterested in it. I had to pretty much shove it in his face to get this pic. Notice how the white shirt is virtually untouched by the bright orange and red frosting. What can I say, my kid is a veggie-lover, not a cake-lover. How sad for me.

Opening presents with Papa. Levi pretty much established from the beginning that if he was going to do what we wanted him to do, he was going to do it with my dad. Or not at all. And what the birthday boy wanted, he got!

Aunt Sara's awesome gift. He spent the rest of Saturday pushing the empty container around the room like a car. If he came across one of the blocks, he would put it in, but he was more interested in the box. Figures.

It was amazing. We had hot dogs, pizza, cotton candy, fruit punch, tea, water, cake, presents, guitar-decorating, rock-star primping, balloons, and LOTS of fun! The party was definitely an expectation-surpassing experience. And this coming Saturday, my little 7 lb 2 oz baby boy will be a big, 21 lb 13 oz ONE YEAR OLD. I love him, people. I love him so much. And no matter what EVER happens, I will always love him.

Next week I will post all of the updates about what he can do and who he is right now at 1. I know you are dying to hear it all :)

Also, I want to thank all of my sweet friends who read and commented on my blog and on Facebook this week. I am overwhelmed by your love and support. And I am equally overwhelmed that I serve a God who's tenderness and compassion for me moves in you to pour out his love and blessing on me through your words. Oh how He loves me, friends! And I am covered in it!

Confession

2010-10-16T18:50:00.000-07:00

Okay, friends, I am going really just let you know what is going on with me right now. There is a lot of mixed emotion all coursing through me these days, from worry and anxiety, to flat out fear, guilt, and anger. And although vague Facebook posts may satisfy some, I could use some specific prayer from those of you who love our family enough to follow this blog.

So last week, on Sunday or Monday, I started having pain behind my left eye, accompanied by some blurred vision. I have also been having extreme fatigue, which has caused me to not even be able to get out of bed some days. It got significantly worse on Tuesday, and I ended up taking the rest of the week off from work to get some medical help. I went on Wednesday to see my neurologist, and was diagnosed with optic neuritis, which is caused by my Multiple Sclerosis. It is the inflammation of my optic nerve, and if left untreated, it can cause all sorts of vision problems, including possible blindness. That is where the fear comes in, friends. Deep fear in my heart, that wants to trust my Heavenly Father to heal, protect, and carry me through, but that feels trapped by what could happen. What He could decide to allow me to walk through.

My doctor decided to put me on IV steroids for 5 days. Thankfully, they are able to do this as an outpatient procedure, so a nurse came out and put the port in for me and gave me my first infusion. I have given the last two to myself with a pressure ball and a tube. It is incredibly painful, and leaves my body feeling nauseous, tired, and all around yucky. It is helping the pain in my eye, but since I have started the infusions, I have lost feeling in my right middle finger, and also in some patches of my legs. Bummer. The unknown scares me, because this will either get better, or get much worse. Which leads me from fear, to anxiety and worry.

My doctor thinks that it would be prudent for me to take some sick leave, and file for disability. So many unpleasant feelings and questions rise up in me when I think about this. What will this mean for my class? How will this affect my team at school? How much harder will their jobs be if I do this? What will everyone at work think? What will my family and friends think? Will they be disappointed in me? Will they think I have failed, and that I am weak? Will they doubt my motives? Will they think I should tough it out, that I am giving up?

So much guilt. So much anxiety. So much fear. But none of those questions were the right ones. Most important question: Does this decision honor God?

To answer that question, I have had to really think and pray through this. I had to think of both options here, to stay home and give my body time to heal without the immense stress caused by work, or gather my strength, push my body, and risk losing more. What is better for me, for my family, and what honors God?

If I continue to work, the main issue is that my body is already showing progressive signs of MS attacks. The stress of work, especially a job as difficult as mine, is proving to be detrimental to my health. Continuing to work is taking a risk with my body, a risk that could include: blindness, paralysis of my limbs, including my legs, chronic and debilitating fatigue, loss of muscle control, lots and lots of pain, and many other possible symptoms.

On the other hand, if I take my leave, and go on disability, I will be able to spend that time going to therapy, resting my body and allowing it time to heal. Or at the very least, cease getting worse. The cons of this decision include all of the former questions I was asking. And my heart is troubled over the problems this might cause for others, and how it might affect my relationship with them.

Friends, pray fervently for me, if you can. I am scared. I am worried, and I am torn. Logically, I can see the right choice. But my emotions are clouding my reasoning. I feel genuinely bad about the idea of disability. I just do. But my family comes first. And risking not being able to take care of my son is not an option. It just isn't. My biggest responsibility is to him, because God has intrusted him to me. And I need His strength now, friends!

Halloween Costumes, Heroes, and Other Joys of my Heart

2010-10-15T00:02:00.000-07:00

Doesn't look like Levi? That's because it it not Levi...yet. But he will be donning this precious little costume in t-minus 2 weeks and 3 days. That is right, friends, Levi is going to be the heartless little Tin Man for Halloween. (Or as my "Wicked" friends would know him, the boyfriend of the Wicked Witch of the East.) We have aquired the costume already at a little sale some of you might have heard of: The Just Between Friends Sale. 8 dollars. No Lie.
So I needed a costume to go along. Grown ups don't have JBF sales. Thus we don't have the funds to purchase an adult costume. Hmmm, time to be creative! So I made this little number:

Those are some seriously glittery shoes, the picture doesn't do them justice. And they took a whole bottle of red glitter. But they are a dream. I am super excited to don them.

And unfortunately, I see this in Sean's future:

But much more "thrift shoppy." Because that's how we roll.

On another note, I have become fascinated with a new show. (Sitting on your bottom all day with an IV in your arm will get you experimenting with new shows.) It is called Heroes, and apparently it has been on for several seasons now.

I, however, have just discovered it. It is wonderful. But it is one of those shows that you have to pay attention when you watch because it can be really confusing. Lots of surprises. But I am prone to become addicted to shows that involve special abilities, magic, and Japanese men stopping time and moving through space. I suppose it is a weakness I will carry with me always :)

And the final, and most splendiferous joy of my life:

I bet you could have guessed that :)

Searching for something...

2010-10-14T08:32:00.000-07:00

And we found it! It was the bottle! Levi spends half of his day digging under the couch for things. And then lets out a high pitched scream when he cant reach them or get them out. It's fabulous, let me tell you. This is how we spent our morning!

Then we painted our pumpkin! He had a blast, and got filthy. But the pumpkin is truly art, if I do say so myself. The kid has talent :)

Wordless Wednesday

2010-10-13T10:39:00.001-07:00

Fall Fun!

2010-10-11T02:36:00.000-07:00

First stop on our fun fall journey: Levi's first camping trip! This little guy is definitely an outdoorsman. Very first order of business for the L-man: eating mucho mucho rocks and dirt. He loved it.
The tent was like a whole new fabulous world for him. He even took a nap in it, and when it was over, I saw his little face poking out from the opening I left, haha.

Sean definitely built this fire with ONE MATCH. I married a stud.

Levi decided that he would choose this trip to assert his independence. He wanted his OWN chair, people!

We went with Tim and Elisa Stamps, and their sweet daughter Sahara. Sahara is 2, and can obviously walk, which Levi cannot do, much to his disdain. He wanted so badly to walk, so we helped him a little bit :)

They were precious together. They are going to be great friends!

Looking at the fish while the daddy's were fishing.

Probably the sweetest part was watching my boys fish together. Levi absolutely loved sitting with Daddy by the water and holding the pole. I can't wait to see how these two bond in the future.

Here is a group pic of everyone on Saturday night. That's Tim, Elisa and Sahara on the left, us in the middle, and Chris, Michelle and Savannah on the right. They joined us for the afternoon and evening on Saturday. It was such a sweet time of fellowship with friends around the campfire, and I felt renewed as I lay in the tent that night. Praise the Lord for sweet friends.

Our next stop: the pumpkin patch! On Sunday, Levi had an appointment with another sweet friend of mine, Sarah Carlson for pictures at the patch! She did a fabulous job, and we snapped a couple of pictures along the way.

He loved riding the tractor, he got to do it twice.

He also got to pick his own pumpkin! We were cracking up because he kept rolling the pumpkins away from himself, off of the benches, hay stacks, anywhere he could.

And there he is with his pumpkin :) What an absolute joy this little guy is to me, and to his daddy. Every day I am more in love with him, more captivated by him. God has given me the most precious gift in him, and I am desperate to be faithful as I raise him. I pray that Levi would see Christ in me, that he would know Jesus and Him crucified. What a weighty responsibility!

Fall...ahhhh

2010-10-02T15:18:00.000-07:00

Fall used to be a very LONG expectation period leading to the ultimate joy, which was Christmas. This is no longer true for me, friends. As I have gotten older, fall has become an equal partner with Christmas, bringing joy in and of itself. I decided that on Thursday, while my horribly sick infant slept ALL DAY, that I was going to clean up, and decorate for fall. And I did.

As I was decorating I realized that last fall I was home with my sweet newborn baby, enjoying my pumpkin spice candle, but completely sleep deprived. I hope I get more sleep this fall.

This Little Boy...

2010-09-19T18:54:00.000-07:00

Is almost 1 year old! He is so fun, and so BUSY!! As you can see, he is in to EVERYTHING, and he just loves it. I'm loving all of his "firsts," but it is so sad to see my baby disappear and this new big boy emerge! Saturday he had a Chick-fil-a kids meal with an apple juice box (he totally used the straw!), today at lunch he had a cheese quesadilla with rice and beans, and for dinner he had chicken nuggets and diced peaches. Crazy.

We are planning his Rock Star Birthday Party, and it is going to be cuh-razy! Don't miss it :)

Please pray friends, for my health and for Sean's stress. We are desperately trying to enjoy richly the joy God has given us in this season of life, but we are struggling under the weight that He is allowing us to carry. We know that He is faithful to carry us through, and that His love for us transcends the difficulties of our earthly lives. But we are finding our souls downcast more often than we would like these days. Pray that we would be able to put our hope in God. I want to trust Him, but the Enemy is attacking fiercely, trying to get me to believe the lie that God has no plan for my illness, and that my suffering is purposeless and endless. And Sean is carrying the enormous weight of his burdens and mine.

But the "prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." The Lord longs to be gracious to us! And to you, friends! Praise Him!

2010-09-15T19:19:00.001-07:00

Dearest Blog Readers,

Please do not give up on me. I am very busy. Baby, work, serving at church, baby, laundry, dishes, CARES, baby, work, work, work, work, baby baby...you see what I mean? And add on top of this a body that refuses to work correctly, causing a visit to the doctor at least once a week. Yipes, friends! I need prayer! PRAISE THE LORD for the husband God hand-picked for me. I could not do it without him.

Pictures of L-man to come soon.

2010-07-27T06:34:00.000-07:00

Neediness. This is something my son has decided to display recently. I in turn decided to return him to whence he came. It turns out that isn't an option these days. Who knew? But seriously, he is pretty much attached to me lately. As much as I love him, this is not the pleasantest of circumstances due to the fact that he weighs pretty much the same as me. Yipes.

So his one year mark is coming up in (gulp) three months. He is officially 9 months old, and the most impressive little guy, if I do say so myself. He is crawling at incredible speeds, especially towards things that could cause his untimely death, e.g. plug sockets, cords, plastic bags, etc. Apparently they call out to him in a frequency only he can hear. He is also pulling up on EVERYTHING, and even trying to stand in the middle of the floor with nothing to hold on to. He is fierce about it too; NOT standing is like the worst thing that has ever happened to him. He can say mama and dada, and make the sign for "milk" as well as wave hello and bye bye. He also says "mum mum" which is a cracker that he likes to eat. Also, interesting fact: I am in love with him in a way that is unexplainable. True story.

Sean is back in school (tear) and I am starting fairly soon. I will miss my boys so much! But I am definitely feeling the readiness to be with adults on a more consistent basis :) School will be a nice change of pace for a while.

Our camera is broken, so I don't have any pics to post (lame, I know.) I will get right on that, people. Welp, see ya later!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”- Hebrews 12:1

Wordless Wednesday

2010-06-30T10:41:00.001-07:00

Campbell Family Summer Part 1

2010-06-23T12:06:00.001-07:00

Well I am finally making good on my promise to actually update you, friends, on what is going on in our lives! This is only the first 1/2 of summer, of course, since the other half has yet to happen. In light of that, it would be difficult, to say the least, for me to tell you about it. But what HAS happened so far is wonderful! Honestly, friends, the Campbell's had a rough spring semester. And before I tell you about the joy of summer for us, let me paint a picture of the journey the Father has taken us on in order to bring us to this place.

So as most of you know, I have multiple sclerosis, and it is commonly known in the MS world that women who have it feel GREAT during pregnancy, but have serious risk of relapse during postpartum. Unfortunately I did relapse pretty severely. I started getting extreme fatigue, and chronic headaches again, as well as painful spasms in my neck and back that were almost debilitating. I struggled (and let me tell you that it is not easy to share this openly, but I feel like not doing it would be keeping the rescuing power of Christ a secret along with my struggle) with severe postpartum depression about 3 months after L was born. I felt completely hopeless and discouraged, as well as frustrated and angry about going back to work, not being with him, and Sean going back to school.

And friends, there is no room for hopelessness in the heart of the redeemed!

So we knew that something wasn't right, and thankfully my precious husband did everything to take care of the problem before I gave up. Which is pretty heroic of him, considering I took none of it out on Levi, but ALL OF IT out on Sean. I am so grateful that he is committed to loving me and taking care of me, because if he wasn't, he would have been out the door in a second. It was pretty bad.

"And He said, 'O greatly beloved, fear not! Peace be to you; be strong, yes, be strong!'
So when he spoke to me I was strengthened." Daniel 10:19

So we got help from the doctor, yes. But MY help comes from the Lord. He is my strength and my song forever. As the song says "You calm my raging seas, You walk with me through fire, and heal all my disease!"

And here we arrive at summertime. I am home with my precious boy, and we get to spend every waking moment together if we so choose! And we do, most of the time. So here is what we have done so far!

Levi's very first time to swim! He had on his new swimsuit, and swam in his new baby pool that Gigi gave him! Sadly, he tried to move, slipped, and fell face first into the water, and then he was finished. We told him not to panic like Krystal tells the Billups girls, but he cried anyway :)

And we went camping with the fabulous Cassels' at Cedar Hill State Park. This was our living situation:

Don't be deceived by the tent, we had air mattresses and our tent had a fan in it. But hey, I roughed it a LITTLE bit :)

Making dinner on our first night. It was HOOOOOOOOOT

Chris and I were trying to catch a sick looking caterpillar for Savannah in that bottle, but he was much smarter than he looked, you would be surprised. However, we were victorious over this unnaturally intelligent caterpillar, and were so excited that we high fived it up:

Then we went swimming at the "beach" area with the dogs, who were not PERMITTED, but PROHIBITED. Convenient misread, Michelle...

The next day, after my sweltering mid-morning nap, we went swimming in a different spot. We had to jump off of a CLIFF first, but we got down there. It was kind of like our own private island, and the puppies came swimming with us. Not sure what I'm holding, but I promise that none of my electronics jumped in this time...

Aren't we precious? Savannah was obviously preoccupied, but this is the only one we were all in that my camera captured.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand (drum roll please....) Here is my fish! I was the only one on the trip that night to catch a fish! Apparently pink fishing poles are excellent at catching fish. And I wasn't even CLOSE to quiet the whole time. I talked it up big time.
Honestly it was disgusting.

The sad part about this extremely victorious day, was that Sean did throw it back. He said it was too little to eat, and so legally you HAVE to, but I was really wanting to mount it on a plaque and hang it up in our house some where. I mean, compared to ME, I think it is a perfectly adequate size...

And in other news, my parents got an above ground bathtub, er, pool at their house! It is super fun for lounging in, and we have been swimming several times in it.
Here is L with Grandpa right after we got our first look at the new pool. Interesting fact: If Grandpa is in the room, Levi will not, under any circumstances, consent to be held by anyone else. I don't know what it is about my dad, but he is L's favorite person in the world, even over ME! And I'm offended, as you can tell from the following picture.

Our latest adventure this summer was making Father's Day presents for the wonderful patriarchs of the Campbell/Travis family. We made shirts for them, and said shirts had a messy requirement:
But they turned out great! Cousin Micah helped us with the gray one for Pops, and I only got pics of that on Rachael's camera, but it was pretty funny.

So there you have it. We have been busy! And I pray fervently that we are glorifying God with our lives, as He has brought this little family out of the pit!

2010-06-12T11:07:00.000-07:00

Scary, isn't it. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that one day I would be comparing my child to a character on a board game in which the people do not even have bodies. Or that the person I would be comparing him to would be a bald fatty, which admittedly is in line with little L's appearance at this point in his life. Ahh, how proud I am posting this. Every parent's dream.

I just wanted to share with you, dear friends. I know I haven't posted in a while, but I have some pictures I wanted to post, and I have lost my camera. Not that many of the pictures I want to post are actually ON my camera. It turns out Sean and I get a game foul for our inability to master picture taking at major life events. We are notorious (seriously, you might have already read about this on the internet) for not bringing our camera to family functions, or new beginnings for our precious child. In fact, if it weren't for my ever prepared sister in law, we would not have pictures of Levi's birth. This is real, folks. But I can look up pictures of random Guess Who? characters on the internet for all I am worth. Don't worry people. Yeesh.

Well I will post lots more soon (I know you will probably hold your breath, right?) to let you know about the giant humongous fish I caught with my pink fishing pole, as well as Levi's adventures in the pool and many more fantastical Campbell shenanigans. You know you can't wait...

Fishing? Me?

2010-05-04T05:44:00.000-07:00

Okay, so in an effort to affirm my husband and sustain some semblance of recreational companionship in our marriage, I have purchased a fishing pole. That's right, folks. A FISHING pole. And although it is pink and shiny, and my lures are pink and shiny, I am still a wee bit uncertain about this new endeavor. Perhaps it is because of the scars I have from my fishing past.

When I was a youngster, somewhere between the ages of 6 and 10, my dad took my little sister and me fishing with a friend of his. I was so excited. As most of you who read this blog probably know, when I am excited about something, I am quite loquacious about my excitement. Ok, the truth is I won't shut up about it. And I didn't shut up about it on this particular fishing trip as per my usual. Here is where the damage to my psyche was done: My dad said to me, "You are talking too much. You are scaring the fish away and that is why we aren't catching anything." !!!!!!! I'm sorry, what kind of a horrible hobby doesn't allow TALKING???? I refused from that day forth to support an activity such as fishing that requires you to "shut it" in order to have an adequate skill level.

Not only that, but I caught a beautiful little catfish, and what did my dad do? He threw it right back in the water! I was quiet for a LONG time to catch that fish! That was NO easy task for a grade-school chatty cathy, friends!

But alas, I married a man who loves to fish. He will do it rain or shine, cloudy, cold, muggy. He is like a postal worker when it comes to fishing. And he wants nothing more than for his young, able-bodied wife to fish WITH him. So...back to my pink shiny fishing pole. It really is lovely. And as soon as Sean gets out of school in 2 weeks, he will expect that fishing pole to be utilized. We even practiced casting and reeling (or whatever the heck you call it when you flick the pole and the wire goes out, and then you turn the handle thingy and it comes back) in the yard outside our apartment. For real. A friend actually SAW this from the freeway. Oh geez.

So pray for me, dear friends. It is going to kill me to shut up and be quiet but I will honor my husband with my fishing etiquette. For that is all the Lord requires of me.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-04-28T07:28:00.001-07:00

Levi's 1/2 Birthday!

2010-04-26T07:51:00.000-07:00

Oh my gosh, y'all, I cannot believe I am even writing this post! My sweet little 7 pound 2 oz baby boy is now a huge 17-18 pound big boy! Friday was is half-birthday, and he is officially 6 months old. And surprisingly, I am not sad at all. He is the most wonderfully beautiful, perfect little thing I have ever laid eyes on. And I love every new stage more than the last! And I know that I have not posted monthly about how he is growing and changing, because let's face it: I am not on the ball with my blog. But I thought that this would be the perfect time for those of you who don't get to see him often enough (seriously I know it is painful) to catch up on the little man. So here goes:1. Levi has always been super content. He has his moments, of course, but generally the kid will go with any flow you throw at him. He gets passed around and around all week and just smiles and laughs and loves on everyone he stays with. We have figured out that we can put him in his exersaucer and he will play contently for hours.2. He thinks that he is hilarious. He is pretty sure that when he pees on me while I am changing him that he is funny enough to be on the Late Late Show with Jimmy Fallon. And he seriously laughs THAT hard. He also thinks it is hilarious to make funny noises and toot. Such a boy. As for laughing at OTHER people, he is super ticklish on his ribs and tummy, and especially on the inside of his leg. That can REALLY get him going.3. He fake laughs a lot. I haven't really figured this one out, but it is kind of a choking sound actually. His face is smiling, but his breath sounds trapped. Who knows what this is. Maybe its for my benefit because he feels bad that I am painfully un-funny.4. He loves solid food and will eat almost anything. His favorites are prunes, sweet potatoes and apples. Anytime we try something new, he makes a disgusted face and acts like he doesn't like it, but then he eats the whole container. He definitely likes to eat. He also LOVES to chew on lemons, which is disgusting. He is still unsure about foods mixed together such as fruit and oatmeal, berry medley, and pears and squash, but we will get there.5. He sits up for long periods of time now. Especially if you put a really fun toy in front of him that he can grab. He does randomly throw his head back though, so a pillow behind him is a must. And although he will sit, he prefers to stand and will try this at every opportunity.
6. He has started pulling his head and legs up when he is laying on his back, almost as if he is doing an ab workout. It is hilarious. He does it over and over, the kid must already have a six-pack.7. We are working on crawling, but he pretty much just wants to roll over. He hasn't quite mastered the idea of getting on his hands and knees; he suspends them in the air while only his tummy rests on the floor. He looks like he is skydiving, but he isn't going to get anywhere doing that...
8. He has his first tooth! After 4 MONTHS of teething, the first one finally popped out. It's little tip is barely visible, but it is sharp as a knife! I am SO glad I am not nursing! The second one is right behind it. (Actually when I picked him up today after I wrote this and saved it, the second one had already popped up)
9. He is learning to make lots of new sounds every day. He has mastered /d/, /b/, /z/, and is working on /m/, but his favorite sound to make is...wait for it....a GROWL. It is so weird! He growls all the time and it would be kind of creepy if he wasn't so darn cute!
10. He is really smart. I mean, I know he is a baby, and that I am somewhat biased when it comes to my own child's intelligence, but seriously! He is now figuring out cause and effect, e.g.: when I throw my paci, it falls. And Mommy picks it back up. How many times will she do that? For the record: 5. Then I am SO over the paci throwing game.
11. He sleeps 8-12 hours every night. It varies widely depending on many factors, but 8 hours is good enough for me! Sometimes during growth spurts he will need to eat during the night, but this is extremely rare. He also takes at least 2 long naps during the day. Sometimes it ends up being more like 4 short ones, but it works.
12. He is seriously the biggest flirt. He definitely loves the ladies and consequently gets a LOT of attention from them :)
13. He loves baths, and will splash and splash throughout the entire thing. The first time he did this, there was water ALL OVER the kitchen and I was rolling on the floor laughing. He does it mostly with his legs and he just keeps kicking and kicking. There is no stopping him once he gets going. He does not, however, like getting re-clothed. He would rather just be naked and shivering then have to put his arms in some type of clothing.
14. He sings and talks all the time at home. He is going to be just like me...and his talking is so funny. He gets emphatic and makes faces, then he talks softly and smiles. It seems like it is not just random babbling, but actual stories! I can't wait until he can actually tell me things!
15. I am almost ashamed to admit this. But as the Lord is doing a refining work in me I will learn to love my son in spite of this disgusting fact about him: He wants nothing more in this world than to suck on his own toes. I'm pretty sure that when his mind is idle, it floats away to toe-sucking every time. Perhaps he agrees with me and believes them to be tiny sausages.
So that is the gist of little Levi right now. There is much more to him, but this post is really long already. I will say this: We read to baby Levi every night from his Jesus Storybook Bible, and that is our most precious time with him. It is the best little book ever. It weaves the mystery and promise of Christ into every Old Testament story, and even as a baby, Levi is captivated by it. I am praying fervently that God will sow in his little heart a devotion to the Word, and a passionate love for Christ. He has the potential to be a powerful man of God, a warrior for the kingdom, and I will not stop petitioning the Lord for that very outcome. I have a weighty responsibility as his Mommy to point my precious son to the Father through my own life, and I intend to give everything I have. I will not be perfect. I am going to fall short daily. But my prayer is that I will be faithful to what God has called me to do in my family, for my husband and for my children. Pray for me, sweet friends! I so desperately want Him to be pleased with me! I want Him to be glorified in my relationship with Levi and with Sean. Pray that His name would be big in our house and that we would live out his mercy and grace to our children. And let me know how I can pray for you, too, friends!

Long-lost Campbell Family Update

2010-04-05T09:11:00.000-07:00

I am almost embarrassed to write this post. I haven't posted since....FEBRUARY! How horrible is that! I suppose I have just been so consumed with the preciousness that radiates from my handsome child. Sometimes I can't turn my eyes away from it! For example, as I type this, I am torn between focusing on typing this long-awaited post, and gazing upon this:Isn't that sweet? Levi is sick today, so I am embracing the role of Mommy and staying home. There has been a lot of crying, a lot of coughing, a LOT of pooping, and a lot of cuddling. He is FINALLY sleeping. The poor little guy didn't sleep much last night, and neither did Mommy, so we are trying to rest.

We have had quite a weekend! On Friday, after a fun-filled sister/pedicure outing, my mom, sister, brother-in-law, and dad went with Sean and I to the Campbell's house for Easter-egg dyeing and dinner. It was so much fun! It is very interesting that our families get along so well together, and very fun to watch everyone interact.

Then on Saturday, we played a little flag football ( I caught 2 passes, Sara threw a touchdown pass as QB, and Rachael ran one in for a full 7 pointer), and then Sean and I had a CARES event at our apartments. After the event, we went BACK to the Campbell's for an extended family Easter celebration. We were late because of the event, but we had a great time. Levi got his first Easter basket!These two are so cute together. I can tell they are already comfortable with each other, and there is a lot of love going on between these two cousins. Even though Levi has yet to master full control of his hands, and tends to hit, pinch or scratch Micah constantly. Micah is graceful, though, and doesn't say anything :) I am kind of scared for Micah because it won't be long before Levi is mobile, and his, um...STURDY body is likely to crush poor little Micah if they collide. Lets just be honest, Levi is a chunk. And I am not ashamed to admit that I am in love with every single little fat roll!
Easter Sunday was next, and let me just tell you, it was not the joyful, precious, Easter-outfit wearing holiday I had imagined. Although I spent days looking for the perfect outfit for the L-Man, and after finding it, had perfectly matched mine and Sean's outfits to it, Levi has yet to wear it. I know, this is turning out to be a shockingly sad post. Levi woke up Sunday morning coughing with a high fever. I had to stay home from church to take care of him, and my mom, who was planning on meeting us at church, came to help. She took care of him in the afternoon because Sean and I had yet ANOTHER CARES event. It was an Easter egg hunt, and I was SO looking forward to getting some pics of my little man in his Easter sweater vest with his new basket "gathering" eggs.... but alas it was impossible. He spent the ENTIRE day sleeping, so the outfit was a no-go.
And we arrive at today, still feverish, still fussy, and still sleeping all day. But when I hold him (because he refuses to sleep laying down, he wants Mommy CONSTANTLY) I realize that this is the best job I have ever had. It makes no difference that he is screaming in my ear, or that I have to stick a thermometer up his butt every time I change him. All that matters is that he needs me, and I am the only person that provides absolute comfort for him. He makes that widely known throughout the land. I LOVE being his mommy. Even today.

Praise the Lord for this gift. This gift that is granted to me only through the saving power of the cross. I am so grateful to Jesus for what He did there. Oh sweet Jesus, let my life be pleasing to you! Let me be a mommy and a wife, and a sister and a daughter that glorifies You! I am overwhelmed by the goodness of Jesus. I am overwhelmed by grace.

2010-02-16T10:53:00.000-08:00

I am not dead, just OVERWHELMED! I will post super soon with lots of fun pics!

Desert Song

2010-01-19T09:00:00.000-08:00

Okay, isn't it amazing how the Lord provides comfort through other people? And for me, He often does it through music. Here is a song my sweet husband shared with me last week by Hillsong. Its called Desert Song. The link to watch it on youtube is here

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry.
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is the God who provides.

This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain:
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame.

And this is my prayer in the battle,
When triumph is still on its way:
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand.

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain.
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here.

All of my life, in EVERY season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing.
I have a reason to worship.

And this is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow:
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow...

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:9

2010-01-13T08:41:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I hear You Lord! Forgive me for my unwillingness to trust You and believe your Word!

A sweet friend, Amber posted on her blog yesterday a letter that she had written to a friend struggling with contentment. It appears that is nagging at more than just my own heart through this season. I was blown away by the words she wrote, and how anointed they are. Let me share the parts that were particularly significant to me today:

““Wherever you are BE ALL THERE” This is a quote from one of the heroes of the Faith, Jim Elliot. I have held this motto since I first read it in college. It has helped me in times that seem “transitional” especially. It is easy to get caught up in what is going to be and TOTALLY miss out on what is happening that very day. It is easy to hope in tomorrow or hope in the next “season” and where it will take you and completely miss what is right there. People do this all the time, especially women, i.e. when you are single you want to be married, when you are married you want to have kids, when you have kids you want more kids or your own home, when you get both of those you want more time to yourself and with your husband. On and on the cycle goes, satisfaction placed in your own desires and not in what God has provided for you THAT day. Which leads me to my next thought:
Covetousness. Yes Covetousness. I use to think this meant wanting what someone else had, and it does. But ultimately it means “wanting/longing for something God has not provided for you in that moment in time.” Covetousness when played out in this scenario might lead you to not be thankful for what He HAS provide for you. Thankfulness generally squeezes out the sin of Covetousness that we all struggle with. Give Thanks to the Lord for HE is GOOD and His love endures forever! He has not forsaken you and will not put you to shame.
It is easy for us to think when we are in one place in life; the next place will be better. But be careful not to fool yourself that somehow God will provide more Joy for you in your next season (or wherever is next for you) than He has offered you today.”

I am thankful. I am thankful for a selfless, loving husband who is working HARD for our family. I am thankful for a beautiful baby boy that brings me more joy in the few precious hours I have with him than I could ever imagine. I wouldn't trade them for anything, or imply that they are not enough to provide joy for me throughout the day. I am thankful for an amazing family that would drop anything to help us and care for my boys and me. I am tremendously thankful for a sister-in-law who juggles 2 hungry, fussy, energetic baby boys all day so that I can feel peaceful at work, knowing my son is loved and safe, as well as a friend who does the same for me on Mondays. I am thankful for a job that allows me to be home early with my family and have tons of breaks to spend at home with L. I am thankful for precious friends that encourage me and lift me up daily. I AM thankful.

And I will make a choice every day to enjoy richly the joy that the Father has offered me TODAY.

Spring, 2010

2010-01-05T13:08:00.000-08:00

Wow, so last year was rough. And it seems like this year might be just as rough. But not in a bad way...maybe temporarily in a bad way, but long term--in a very good way.

The Lord has started me on a journey this semester that is going to refine me like I haven't seen before. And it hurts already. But I know that "He who began a good work in me is faithful to complete it." Philippians 1:6

Sean is back to school, which is understandably stressful for him, but also lonely for me. I miss my husband when he is at school. It takes so much focus and lots and lots of precious time for him to keep up in school. Precious time that I covet. I am anxious for the day that I have it back. But until then, I just sit at home and long for him!

Also, the dreaded day of returning to work has passed, and I am in the throws of a semester in which I do not get to spend every waking moment loving on Levi. This is the hardest part of this season of my life. I want to be the one feeding him. I want to be the one to see him smile all day. I want to be the one there when he does his first "this" and first "that." I spend 10 hours away from him every day, and 5 precious waking hours with him. I feel like I am missing out on his little life!

I know that lots of moms do it, and their children survive, and they survive. But I don't WANT it to be this way. I don't WANT to be at work instead of guiding and nurturing my sweet boy. I am sick about it! The mother's heart in me screams "This isn't right! He should be with his mommy, and I should be with my baby!" I know this sounds very dramatic, but to me it IS dramatic. I mean, would you be able to leave this face:

This is the hardest thing I have ever done. I don't think it would be quite as bad if I didn't feel like January 4 marked the moment I lost all the time with BOTH my husband and my son. Sean being in school wouldn't be as bad if I could stay home. And working would be SLIGHTLY more tolerable if I knew that we would all be together at night. But both difficult situations fell on me at once, and I'm falling apart! And the worst part is, I would do ANYTHING to change it, but there isn't anything I can do. I can't change either situation at all. And that frustrates me beyond my ability to stand it. So I'm left with one hope:

Trust the Lord. Wait patiently for Him.

Trust Him. That is literally the ONLY thing I can do to better my situation. To have any hope of surviving emotionally. And sadly, I'm not sure I know how to do that.

I have trust issues anyway, with everyone. I'm cynical about people's motivations, and I generally assume the worst. I haven't really ever been sure why I am like that, but I think this situation has illuminated the problem. I don't trust God. I WANT to. I even SAY that I do, but if I really did, then I would believe the Bible when it says that He works everything to the good of those who love Him. That He has good plans for me and for my family. That He is my strength and my Helper. If I believed these things, I would still be sad. But I wouldn't feel so hopeless about the semester. I would feel hopeful about what He was doing in me and in our family.But because I don't, the Lord's response is this:

"Therefore I will block her path with thornbrushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. Then she will say, 'I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now.' ." Hosea 2:6-7

I am definitely walled in. I can't find my way. So my only choice is to return to my Husband as at first. I can't keep chasing after other relationships to satisfy my heart. Sean can't live up to that. My son can't either. Only Jesus can fill me up.

So here we go. Jesus and me. We are going to figure this thing out, and I am going to be a much stronger woman of God for it. I will be a better mother to my son, a better wife to my husband, and my relationship with the Father will be deeper than I can imagine. This is the right thing for us, no matter how it feels now. We are at the center of the will of God. And at the end of it all, I will look back and see the purposes of God in every hurt, in every tear. And because of His grace, I will trust Him more. Praise the Lord that He knows better than I do.

Thanksgiving

2009-11-29T10:47:00.000-08:00

My family had so much to be thankful for this year. 2 precious new babies, all of us living close together, a wonderful year together, and so much more! This year Sean and I spent the first part of the day at his parents house, and the evening at mine. That meant that Levi got to meet most of Sean's extended family for the first time! It was great to see everyone loving on my sweet boy. And he got to see his sweet cousin again:

They were so cute in their matching outfits. It is still so strange to me how BIG my little baby looks next to Micah. I am so proud of how he is growing, and who he is! I still look at him and can't believe that he is mine. Praise the Lord that He knows better than I do! I am so grateful for this precious gift.

At my house it was just the immediate fam, but we had a great time watching A&M football, eating delicious turkey and ham, and talking. And Levi got more loving from his grandparents and aunt and uncle! He is a pretty blessed kid, with so many people that love him!

I also have some amazing news! Sean will be done with school for the semester on FRIDAY!! Hooray! I will have a husband and Levi will have a daddy, haha! Sean has done a great job balancing school and us, but we are so glad that the three of us can spend some REAL time together for the first time since the little guy was born. I am already making plans for us! They include: 1. Visiting the Northpark Santa (he is amazing), 2. Going to the Main Street Christmas event in Grapevine, 3. Looking at Christmas lights at least once, 4. Setting up the tree, 5. Watching "Elf", 6. Starting our Advent celebration. I'm sure there are more, but those are some fun ones. I can't wait! Thank goodness for Christmas break!!

2009-11-24T08:45:00.001-08:00

Wow, so this has been a super crazy month for us! That's right, Levi is now officially one month old. When we went to the Dr for his one month checkup, he weighed 9 pounds, 6 ounces! So obviously we are not having a feeding problem, haha. He is a good eater! I have a wide range of emotions about this because he doesn't fit in his newborn diapers anymore, which makes me sad because he's not so little...but he is doing so many new things which makes me happy because we are getting to know each other better every day! So I am stuck with conflicting emotions!

Then, today Levi was sitting in his bouncy seat, and I was sitting on the floor next to the bouncy seat. We were playing the usual peek-a-boo and I was telling him what a good, big boy he is when this happened:

That's right! My baby smiled at me! He actually does love me! These were not the only two smiles, either. We had a big time smiling and being silly for a while. And then we went back to sleep! What a great morning for Mommy and Levi!

In other news, Levi's cousin Micah was born on Sunday! He is beautiful and TINY. We went up to the hospital early on Sunday and anxiously awaited the little man's arrival until 9:17pm, when he was born at 6 pounds 9 ounces. Levi was fast asleep when Micah was born, so they weren't able to actually meet until the next day. Here is a picture of the introduction:

They are going to be good friends. I could tell they loved each other right away :) Levi looked so BIG compared to his tiny cousin. I couldn't believe it, only a few pounds difference can make such a BIG difference. Rachael is doing well, and she and Stephen looked great. Stephen even changed a diaper like a pro. We are so happy for them, and can't wait to see how these two precious boys grow up. What a joy for our family!

So all in all, things are wonderful in the Campbell world! God is so good to us!

Meet Baby Levi!

2009-10-28T18:36:00.000-07:00

He's finally here!!! Levi Travis Campbell was born Friday, October 23, at 2:02 pm at Baylor Medical Center in Grapevine. He was 7 pounds 2 ounces and 19 inches long. Big boy! He looks JUST like Daddy. I was right about that :) He is, already, the joy and light of our lives. Here are some pics that came from Aunt Whitney's camera, that weren't on Facebook. Yet :)

Aunt Whitney snuggling with Mommy at the hospital

Mommy snuggling baby Levi...this happens a lot :)

Uncle Scott and Baby levi.

I have to say, I have never seen anything so beautiful in my entire life. I could stare at that little face forever!

Grandpa in his "Packers" shirt and Levi in his "Cowboy's" shirt. Ahhh, the irony.

Daddy has never been so proud! His baby boy sporting the Cowboy's name! This was his first Cowboys game, we watched it in the hospital.

So there he is! The most precious little baby boy in the world! If you are breathless and in awe right now, I don't blame you one bit. And if you want to come by and see us, we are homebound for two weeks! Come on in!

Does Levi Look Like Daddy?

2009-10-16T10:39:00.000-07:00

Okay, so here are some recent sono pics, and some precious little pictures of Sean as a baby. I think Levi looks just like his daddy did as a baby! Which really makes me excited because that means Levi is going to be a super-handsome kid! AND a beautiful baby :) (Also, my sister informed me that God makes babies look like their daddies so that their daddies don't abandon them...which doesn't seem to be working in our society...but I don't think I was in danger of that anyway, haha.)

So there you have it! What do you think, do you think they look alike? I suppose we shall see in a very short period of 11 days! Woo-hoo!

2009-10-06T18:29:00.000-07:00

I have been LONGING for almost 9 months to see this face. And it couldn't be more perfect.

The Walls

2009-08-27T18:49:00.000-07:00

***UPDATE***
The best email to reach Leah at for letters of your own is leahsms@gmail.com
You will love it!

I am so excited about this post and these pictures! But I am more excited about how cute my sweet baby boy's nursery looks!! This first picture is of the quote that my mom graciously slaved over getting on the wall. If you can't read it well, it says "Let him sleep for when he wakes, he will move mountains." That is such a precious truth to be displayed over our baby's bed. Levi is going to be an incredible man of God, anointed and set apart. I can't wait to see how he grows and to experience the amazing things he does for kingdom of God.

The next few pictures are my favorite. Let me tell you the story before you see the awesomeness. Several of you know a precious friend from DBU, Leah Combs (formerly Leah Mitchell) and have been able to experience her graciousness and talent. Well I had noticed on her Facebook page that she had these adorable wooden letters in her sweet baby Lyla's room that I hadn't seen before. I had seen wooden letters of course, but these had shadow boxes on them, or "shelves" as I called them in my message to her. (She didn't mention it though, hence the graciousness.) I looked EVERYWHERE for these letters online and in some stores, and couldn't find them anywhere. I finally decided just to ask Leah where she got them. (Sounds like the obvious solution, yes, but I have pregnancy dementia and can't always see what is right in front of my face.) Well in her message back to me, she let me know that she made them herself! Not only did she make them herself, but she offered to make them for my sweet baby boy! And they are beyond words. So let me let you see for yourself:

These are pictures of the letters before I "decorated" them with some things that Sean's grandma, my mom, and some close friends gave us. I was so pleasantly surprised with how amazingly beautiful they turned out!

Here they are with the few trinkets I decorated them with. The L has a little figurine that G-ma (Sean's grandma) gave Levi at the shower. The E has a stuffed bear given to him on a diaper cake by my sweet friend Michele Price. It says "my first bear" on it. Precious. The V has a piggy bank, also from G-ma, and it has a helicopter on it. G-ma's husband, Papa, who passed away before Sean and I met, was a helicopter pilot in the armed forces. I am VERY moved by that gift, because Levi will have a little part of his Papa in that small bank, the great-grandpa he never got to meet. And lastly, the I has some booties that my mom, Levi's Gigi, gave him. They have a space on the sole to write his weight, length, etc. They are so sweet. Mom has some with my info on them :) How cute.

Needless to say I am GIDDY about these letters! I am so excited! And if you would like to purchase some letters like these from Leah, she would love to make them! And you will NOT be disappointed. Here is her email if you are interested:

leahkm24@hotmail.com

There is another email I have for her, but I wasn't able to find it. When I do, I will post it! And to Leah: Thank you, thank you, thank you so much! You have blessed us beyond belief!

2009-08-23T14:33:00.000-07:00

So I had an AMAZING "Family and Close Family Friends Shower" this past weekend, and it was crazy cool. It was at my sister's new house, and she went all out for this extravaganza, people. It was so great! We played some funny games and I got to spend some time talking with some people I hadn't seen in SO long.

But before I get to some pictures of some of my awesome gifts, here is the picture of the Petunia Pickle Bottom diaper bag that my cousin gave me for FREE. I love it, and it is my favorite baby item right now. Sometimes I just look at it...

This is a pic of the wall art that Sean's precious Aunt Pam got us. It goes perfectly with the nursery, and looks great up there! On the shelf are some blankets a sweet friend gave me, and the canvas basket is from my sister! Also, I don't know if you can tell, but there are two books on the shelf. One is from my pastors wife at my home church in Fort Worth, and it is called "God Gave Us You." I read it to Levi today, and we both really like it :) We both cried too...

The second book is from my 9th grade English teacher, Mrs. Hawkins. She was the best teacher I ever had, and one of the most influential people in my life. The book she gave me is called "The Big Blue Book of First Stories." It has several children's books in one volume, and is AWESOME.

This is the pac n play we got from my wonderful in-laws! It is really cool, and has so many cool things that go along with it. For example:

It has an "infant napper station" (or bassinet) and a changing table, so when I am in the living room or kitchen, I won't have to walk to the nursery and use that! Very convenient. And it also has:

A diaper stacker that holds a rather large box of wipes :) It is a full-service pac n play. And it matches and looks amazing with our stuff! Thanks Mimi and Pops! You guys are the best!

We also put up the quote that goes on the wall above the crib, but I didn't get a good pic of it. But trust me, it looks amazing. I will do that when the nursery is finished ;)

So there are officially only 70 days left until my due date. But the REAL news is that we are most likely going to induce labor on the 26th of October. That's only 65 days away! Sean, if any of you don't know this already, is in PA school, and is working incredibly hard to do well and to stay afloat. And it turns out, he has his HUGE anatomy final exam on the 29th of October! We are super nervous that if we don't get this sweet baby out before then it will come THAT DAY! We were pretty sure we wanted to induce early anyway, but this way we miss the final exam altogether. It is going to be rough for Sean any way we go because of school, but we have such wonderful super supportive friends and family that we know I will be well looked after! I have some really incredible people in my life that have offered (well, some have been enlisted, hehe) to stay home with me and do all the glamorous things that come along with a new baby like burping, changing dirty diapers, rocking the little screamer, etc. I know there are more people out there who are dying to do these things. I would be. Just let me know, haha.

Well, that's it for now. But there's always more to come!

Nursery Almost-Endings

2009-08-02T19:50:00.000-07:00

Alright, folks, the nursery is officially ALMOST FINISHED!!! The only things lacking right now are as follows: the wall art (which I have some ideas about, but am not fully sure of what this will consist of), a mobile for the crib, a quote to go above the crib, a lamp for the side table, and any other cute things I decide I must have. This picture above is of my precious mother, who after doing MOST of the crafty things you see in the following pictures (my sister did the rest) decided she needed to fix the nick in the bottom of the crib with a brown and a red dry erase marker. How she is so creative, I know not. But most of this nursery can be attributed to her creative genius. She is amazing. And my sister is also amazing. Without them, none of what you are about to see would have been possible. They have spent the past week sweating, painting, sanding, staining, painting, and sweating some more. Needless to say, they need a break. But they love little Levi this much!
This is the top of the dresser. My mom painted the dresser brown and put the green polka dots on. Elizabeth Riddle, one of my most precious friends made the little stool with Baby Levi's name on it. That is two sonogram pics of LTC in the frame, and a sweet little elephant given to him by Meghan Hunt. I am so blessed to have friends like these!

I think I am going to put some canvas-lined baskets in this bookshelf. Believe it or not, this was actually a light tan color before Mom painted it. And it would not cooperate and had to be painted a billion times, sanded down, painted again, painted with laminate, and then it chipped and had to be painted...AGAIN. Mom is a trooper.

The hardware that was on this dresser was really beautiful, but it was really old fashioned as well. We decided these were a little more nursery-friendly, and they match the curtain rod, which is VERY important these days.

My sweet baby boy will be sleeping in here! Isn't the bedding my in-laws got me beautiful! And the crib has an attached changing table, which you can kind of see on the right.

This is the finished rocking chair and side table in all of their cherry-wood stained glory. My sister is a master furniture re-finisher! I cannot tell you how beautiful these two things look in real life! This picture does them NO justice. She would be happy to refinish any furniture for you as well, provided you deliver them to her fully sanded. She refuses to sand anything else for the rest of her life, haha.

Here I tried to get a good shot of how beautiful the crib is, and get a good shot of the ADORABLE curtains my mom made! She is a full service decorator, people! I picked out the material, and she made the curtains. If you have chills right now, I don't blame you one bit.

And there you have it. Aside from the few things I mentioned earlier that still have yet to be done, we are finished! And we are SO GLAD. If you want to come over and bask in the glory that is Baby Levi's new abode, and see for yourself it's overwhelming cuteness, please feel free. I plan on being in there a lot in the coming months!

I do want to say "Praise the Lord" for the absolutely incredible family and friends that have blessed us so far in this journey. I cannot believe how blessed we are for all of you to share with us in this adventure. Thank you, thank you, thank you for everything you have done for us! Thank you for displaying the unending goodness of the Lord in front of us! We love you!!!

Nursery Beginnings

2009-07-30T14:25:00.000-07:00

Okay, so we are beginning to tackle the GIANT feat of getting a room ready for the rapidly approaching arrival of our child. This picture, above, is of a rocking chair that Sean's grandma gave us. It was very old, but I was kind of sentimental about it because it came from her. Whitney and I sanded it, and she stained it a chery wood color to match our crib. Isn't it BEAUTIFUL? And this is only after the first coat of stain. It looks insanely beautiful now, I can't wait to get it set up in the nursery and post some pics of it. We also painted the nursery yesterday, and it looks amazing.

Here is a pic of the nursery wall. There will be brown polka dots around the middle to cover the line. It's going to be super cute, we already did some of them, but for some reason I don't have a pic of that.

Another of the chair

My mom painted a cheap dresser that we bought brown, and she has since painted green polka dots on it and a bookshelf that matches the greens on the wall. They are precious, and Mom did an excellent job.

This is what the rocking chair looked like before she stained it.

This is the nursery bedding. Yes, I swaddled a teddy bear to see what it would look like.

Sean and I put this swing together by ourselves. We got it at a shower from some sweet friends, and it is so cute! I must say, I am not a huge fan of assembly directions, especially when they expect that you will automatically understand what the crap is going on in those pictures. It's ridiculous.

So I am getting very excited about this project, and about little Baby Campbell getting here. I am also really excited about the fact that Sean has started PA school! He is loving it, even though he is really busy all the time studying. But he is going to be an amazing PA, and I am so proud of him! I know little Levi will be proud of him too!

Okay, I'm out.

Trip to Florida and a new addition.

2009-06-27T15:22:00.000-07:00

Sean and his surfing instructor.

On top of the St. Augustine lighthouse

At the beach with my baby!

Oh it was beautiful! And so romantic.

Our feet in the sand. Mine are swollen :(

So in honor of our 1 year anniversary, and because we will NEVER be alone again, Sean took me on a little vacation to Florida! We went to Ponte Vedra, which is near Jacksonville, and spent most of our time in the OLD little town of St. Augustine. It was wonderful! We really enjoyed the time alone and the time to get away and rest.

Anyway, I am going to try and scan some of my ultrasounds pretty soon, we found out it is for sure a boy, and we have 3 names that we are considering right now. We really wanted to stick with the Steven S___ tradition that Sean's parents started, but it is looking more and more like we won't be able to do that. We just cannot for the life of us agree on an S name! We had one we thought we both liked (well as my sister in-law Sara can tell you, I never really LIKED it. I was settling. She knows my secrets), but once we found out for sure it was a boy and actually started thinking about calling our baby boy by that name, neither one of us liked it much. We have two others that we like, and one that we like better than the other. We probably won't announce it though, so if you want to know, you will have to ask!

On one last note, I have been thinking about the legacy I am going to be passing on to my son. I have read in a few places recently that a baby gets his tendencies from his mommy. For example, a peaceful and calm mommy will many times have a peaceful and calm baby. A highly anxious and uptight mommy, like I tend to be, can cause her baby to be anxious and uptight. I have been devouring Scripture since I learned this trying to find some sort of direction for preventing that transfer from me to my baby. I found this:

"The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace." Romans 8:6.

I have been praying this verse over myself and my son since God brought it to my attention. The only way to battle my anxieties and nervous, uptight tendencies is to let the Spirit control my mind. To trust in Him to do what I can never do for my child, foster life and peace. Praise the Lord that it isn't up to me! I would botch this up just like I do everything else, but His promise to me is that He is working all things together for my good because I LOVE Him. He is faithful!

Okay, that's all for now, and it's a lot, sorry!

-Jen

Ode to 4 months...

2009-05-18T11:36:00.000-07:00

Four months:

I like you better than 3 months, but not as much as I will like pregnancy being over.

Although you brought the end of morning sickness

You ushered in the age of indigestion, back pain, snotty nose, and headaches galore.

The reason I like you BETTER, is because I like food more than I like comfort.

Okay, so I am now officially 4 months pregnant, and as my poem (poem's don't have to rhyme people) says, I like it better, with qualifications. I cannot lie and say that my delicious prime rib last night was not worth all of the other pains that came with 16 weeks of pregnancy. Eating real food again without fear of seeing it later is, in fact, glorious. I am not kidding. As you can see, Baby Campbell is the size of an avocado...next to a quarter. Think about that.

So, as the school year comes to a close, I have but one thing to say about it:

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, although this is sometimes the hardest part of the year because the students are tiresome, it is also the best part. That is because we now have a manageable countdown: 13 days to go. My joy is indescribable right now. I could try, but my words would never do it justice.

On the home front, Sean and I are pretty well moved in and LOVING our new place. Mostly the carpet because it is fabulous. We have started our CARES ministry, and have our first event this Thursday. Pray pray pray that God is glorified in us, and that He is made much of as we start this incredible journey. We are so blessed to be chosen for this ministry.

"The climax of God's happiness is the delight He takes in the echoes of His excellence in the praises of His people." -John Piper

Jen

2009-04-30T05:57:00.000-07:00

Okay, so for those of you who don't know, Sean and I are moving this week. Not only are we moving, which is already a somewhat stressful time what with all the packing and lugging things to this place and that, but our lease is up TODAY, and we just got the keys to our new place YESTERDAY. Ohhhh, the stress of the situation. And because of little Baby Campbell who has caused me to miss multiple days of school already, neither one of us could take off work to get any of this done. Hoooray. Well, realistically, I don't know what me taking off of school would really accomplish anyway, since my mom, Sean's mom, and Sean forbid me to lift anything anyway. Little do they know, lifting is a part of life, you can only refrain from so much lifting! Especially when you're moving.

So here's the good news: we have the best family and the most amazing friends in the world. Yesterday, my sister came over during the day to finish packing for us and get a head start on cleaning the place, and mom came shortly after I got home to help. Then Sean got home, and brother-in-law and dad were right behind him. We got everything packed (even some things I needed for today, but oh well) and most things cleaned. PS: Cleaning baseboards is stupid.

Anyway, we moved a good load into the new place, and we have everything else ready to go today. And we have a huge group of people who are taking time out of their weeknight to come and help. We are so incredibly grateful! The Lord is so faithful to provide and to take care of us! We honestly don't know what we would do without the awesome support of our fam and friends! Well we do know that we would have a whole lot of boxes to move by ourselves, that's for sure.

Anyway, on a side note, my baby is getting bigger now, about the size of peach, and is definitely causing some discomfort for me at night. What advice do you mommies have about how to get some sleep??? I wake up constantly having to use the bathroom, and can't get back to sleep for anything! And I have a loooooooooooooooooooooong way to go people! I'm pretty sure it's only going to get worse! Well, I could use some friendly advice if you have any. My back is killing me already. I'm starting to think that pregnancy just doesn't agree with me. Hmph.

Okay, so I am getting a digital camera soon (my old one jumped in the ocean), so hopefully my posts will become more aesthetically pleasing in the future. Until then they will just have to be visually boring, but as mentally stimulating as they always are. You're welcome.

2009-04-20T06:21:00.000-07:00

Okay, so most horrible, most wonderful day ever. On Saturday, I started having this horrible, burning, stabbing pain in my stomach, right below my chest and above my bellybutton. It got so bad that I was doubled over in pain, screaming out at the top of my lungs, much to my husbands delight, I'm sure. And probably my neighbors' as well. It felt like a stomach ulcer (not that I have ever had one of those, but if I had, that's what it would have felt like.) Or just really bad acid indigestion, but I HAVE had that before and this was nothing like that. Or so I thought...

So I went to Care Now to have them check me out and see what they could do for me. The doc came in for about 2 minutes, pressed on my belly and then left. She came back with this news: "You are pregnant, and you have severe abdominal pain..." Ummmmmmmm, ok, I told YOU that..... "So I'm going to send you to the ER." I'm sorry WHAT??!!?!?!??!?!? Pregnant lady's worst nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, my sister took me to the Emergency room at Baylor Grapevine, and they were ready for me. They took me back, made me put on a "gown" (how can they even call it that?) and had me wait. Of course. A little while later, my 'rents showed up, and a little while after that, my in-laws showed up.

All the while, the father of my child is speaking at a DNow, wishing that the youth pastor would hurry up and let him speak!!!! But alas, there were games to be played. Who cares that your wife is in the ER, pregnant and in pain?

So the doc at the ER comes in and tells me they will run a few tests, do an ultrasound, and get back to me. They took some serious blood, and gave me a serious shot of morphine (praise the Lord) and let me wait in agony wondering if my sweet baby is going to be ok or not. AAArrrrGGHHHH. It was horrible. It wasn't very long, though before the quirky ultrasound tech, Kristie, came in. She was an interesting gal, for sure. But she did a wonderful job, and confirmed that my child was in fact ok. We got to see the little one doing flips, waving, and pretty much jumping all around in there. I was surprised I couldn't feel all of that! And Kristie, in all of her infinite ultra-sound tech wisdom, is pretty sure that we are having....A BOY! Wow, crazy. What am I going to do with a boy??? I am super happy, though. Boys are sweet :) And I hear they really love their mommies. I have to have another ultrasound in about 4-5 weeks just to make sure, because this is super early to know the sex. She was just telling me her opinion. And I appreciate that, Kristie. I do.

Sadly, Sean was still not here for this. Don't worry though, my mom, Sean's mom, and my sister were there. So they knew before he did. Bummer. Also, it was really frustrating because Kristie had the screen facing away from me the ENTIRE time, right up to the very end, so while the moms and my sister got a great show, I got NOTHING. Boo. I'm the one carrying the child, right?? Where's the justice??? It's ok, though, I got to hear the heartbeat and I did get to see the little kid, even if only for a moment.

All in all, it ended up being a very beneficial 5 hour trip to the Emergency Room. They determined it must be horrible, severe, incredibly painful acid indigestion. I'm still pretty sure it's an ulcer, because I have a lot of medical saavy, and tons of knowledge about the human body. But for now, I will trust Cameron, since he IS the ER doc/PA. They gave me some prescription antacids, and some serious pain meds to get me through the next week. I will be talking to my OB to see what my options are, though, as soon as I can.

So, praise the Lord for a healthy, very active baby boy! (We think. No one go out buying boy clothes or anything). I am so happy, and for the first time really getting excited about being this baby's mommy! Its amazing what seeing the little one can do for your outlook. Pray for me friends, that I will be able to get through this horrible pain and be able to function normally for the next 5 weeks! School doesn't stop for serious hearburn, people!

Sleeeeeeeeeeep

2009-04-17T14:37:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I am exhausted! Every day after work, I feel like I just climbed a mountain! And it doesn't seem like I can get enough sleep...or enough food for that matter. I feel like I am hungry immediately after I eat, haha. Oh the joys of being a baby incubator.

So I have some pretty amazing news for my Public-School-System-employed friends, we only have 5 weeks of school left! Praise the Lord! That is what will be getting me through each day pretty much for the next 5 weeks.

Well my amazing hubby is speaking at a D-Now tonight, and I am going to be in attendance, so I am going to go and get ready. I am so lucky that I get to be his girl. Whew.

Good Friday and Easter

2009-04-06T10:01:00.000-07:00

So I watched The Passion of the Christ on Saturday (I decided I needed a little reminder about what is truly important in my life) and of course, I cried like a baby. But it really got me thinking about this coming season, and most importantly this coming weekend. Easter had never been one of my favorite holidays by any means, until recently. I guess I always thought it was kind of boring, eggs and bunnies and all the pastel colors, ugh. I am not a fan of pastel colors.

But watching the movie this weekend reminded me of how in recent years Easter has become possibly my MOST favorite holiday. Not because of the pastels, mind you. Or the eggs and bunnies. But because the event that we celebrate the second Sunday in April changed my entire life. It is the single most important date in history, once and for all, and most definitely the most important in my short life. This is the date, 2000 years ago, when my life, my very soul hung in the balance of eternity, and Jesus rescued me. It wasn't on a white horse, and I wasn't even born yet. But the blood that was shed that day covers me still.

In 2 Samuel 14:14, the Scripture says "Like water spilled on the ground that cannot be recovered, so we must die. But God does not take away life. Instead, He devises ways that a banished man may not remain estranged from Him."

Not only did Jesus provide the ultimate reconciliation between myself and Almighty God, but God created this love story of history, devising a way that I might not remain estranged from Him. All things before this led up to this point. He didn't just throw this together last minute (although even if He did I would be eternally grateful), but He devised a way to bring me back to Him. It took thought, and effort, and desire, and He did it anyway. It makes me sad that I can't really remember a time when I have actually devised a plan to get closer to God. When I have used my human smarts to make a plan that would foster intimacy with Him. And yet God pooled all of His infinite knowledge and wisdom to create the perfect plan of atonement for me. I'm overwhelmed by that.

You know, if the mercy and grace of God ended there, at the cross, that would be enough for me. But it didn't. And it won't end now, or any time soon. God's loving compassion knows no end, has no boundaries. My husband, my family, our home, and all the other blessings in our lives are proof of this. Praise the Lord for his eternal goodness, for His mercies that are new every morning!

So my prayer for this week, and this weekend, is this: That God would keep me near the cross. That I would spend my time there, working out what it means for me every day. I pray that it would never get old, never get commonplace for me. Or for you, friends. Don't worry, I'll get to Sunday sometime this week :) I won't forget about the celebration that awaits us on Easter morning. But for now, lets think about the cross...

Crazy times.

2009-04-02T08:46:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I know I haven't posted in SO LONG, pretty much since September, but I am in fact still alive. Barely, but I am. I'm pretty sure if my work has anything to do with it, I won't be alive for long though.

There is so much going on for us right now, that I can't even believe it. Sean got into PA School! I am so so proud, and can't even believe I am married to such a stud. He is just amazing and I adore Him. He will be attending UNT Health/Science Center in downtown Fort Worth. Hooray!

Another piece of exciting news is that we have decided to do Apartment Life, Cares ministry! For those of you who don't know, this is a ministry that works throughout different apartment properties, sending teams in to serve and minister to the tenants. We will be planning events, having parties, and visiting new people who move in. It is a two year committment, so we will be doing this for a while, and we are super-excited! (I'm not sure how having a little one in November will affect this, but I'm sure it will be tons of fun!)

Also, my sister and her husband just bought a house! We are so excited for them and can't wait to help them get settled in.

God has been so gracious to us! We are in awe of His precious mercy and faithfulness! There have definitely been times lately where I have questioned his purposes for what has been going on around us, but it is good to look back on all of the ways He has proven Himself faithful to me, and to Sean, in the past. I was recently listening to a song by Sarah Groves, a Christian artist, that has one of my favorite lines in the world: "I can't remember a trial or a pain He did not recycle to bring me gain. And I can't remember one SINGLE regret in serving God only, and trusting His hand." Oh how true this line is for me! And I am grateful that He is teaching me to trust Him more!

One really amazing lesson He has been teaching me this week in particular, is one that he has been working with me on for quite sometime. I guess I just can't seem to get it! That is the truth that God alone is the One I should be working for, living for. I have this insane need to please everyone, and for everyone to like me, and when they don't, or they don't treat me fairly, it devastates me! I get this giant chip on my shoulder, and wallow in my hurt and anger, which really only hurts myself. The person who I feel is treating me poorly doesn't care, and talking to them rarely makes a difference. This is the second time in my life where I have felt like I am trapped in a completely unfair situation, with a person who is just mean to me for no reason. And you know what, even though the people were different, they behave the same! They aren't going to change, and they aren't going to care. The only thing that I can do is trust God and remember to listen to the Voice of Truth. As Casting Crowns would say "The Voice of Truth says 'Do not be afraid.' And the Voice of Truth says 'This is for My glory.'" And I trust that. I really do. I have no reason not to, just a lifetime of God proving faithful to me. And if gaining intimacy with Him costs me heavily, I will do it, it will be worth it. I really believe that.

Well, off to work, friends. I will try to post more consistently, haha.

A little of this, a little of that.

2008-09-15T14:56:00.000-07:00

Ok, so six year olds are ridiculous. And sometimes ridiculously funny. Today, one of my students was having some trouble finishing his work, and was going to have to finish at recess, much to his dismay. So he thought about it for a moment after I told him the bad news, and then he said
"Mrs. Campbell, I think I know why I can't do my work. It is because my best friend Trevor is not in my class this year, and I am VERY sad about that."
I tried not to chuckle, and assured him that he would be fine, when he interrupted me by saying "You know, it could also be because my dog died."
I felt kinda bad, and so I said "I'm sorry, honey! When did your dog die?"
And he replied, matter of factly, "When I was three." AAAAGGGHHH!

He, at least, was not asking me when and where he could buy a gun like one of my other little crazies. It is a crazy world in first grade, let me tell you. You have to hang on for dear life sometimes.

In light of that, I would like to give a shout out to my good friends on the front lines of the battle field we like to call primary school, Ashley and Meghan. Way to hang in there, girls. And keep me from going insane.

Well, the Lord sure is doing a painful, wonderful work in me in this season. I am terribly exhausted from the madhouse at work, and desperate for more time with my husband (who some times seems like my only stability). And yet God seems to be fostering in me more patience, peace, and grace in spite of it. I have found myself in situations that would normally cause a nuclear explosion of my emotions, and yet my reactions exude peace, patience and grace. This is not to say, however, that I am suddenly free from the unstable temper and emotional breakdowns that have marked me in the past. They still rise up in me, and most often at the worst time. But I am trying to "[be] confident of this, that He who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ (Philippians 1:6)" I believe God is less concerned with my many defeats as He is with the smallest of my victories.

I am reading the book "Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper, and it is amazing. Everyone should read it. He says that "God created us with a single passion: to joyfully display his supreme excellence in all the spheres of life. The wasted life is the life without passion. God calls us to pray and think and dream and plan and work not to be made much of, but to make much of Him in every part of our lives." It is definitely changing how I think about my life and the choices I make. It is just interesting to think about how often we do not treasure Jesus as an all-satisfying passion in our lives. I am so prone to treasuring other things instead of him, that "compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ" are worthless. Even the depth of intimacy I have the grace to share with my husband pales in comparison to the everlasting, soul-satisfying pleasure that comes through Jesus. I still can't really wrap my head around it, but I am still praying for the Lord to work it out in me.

And lastly, my new Scripture-prayer for this week is Psalm 63:3-"Because Your love is better than life my lips will praise You." This is awesome for times where life seems horrible, because it gives us hope that the love of Christ and the redemption found in Him holds something better for us. It can also bless us in the times of abundance and joy because the love of God is better than life even then! Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the depth of Scripture and what it means for us. I am going to pray continuously this week that I would be reminded of this truth so that I can hold fast to it as I blunder through this tough period of life.

Ok, I'm peacing out. Gotta do Social Studies lesson plans so my peeps at school can ignore them and focus on the billions of hours of math, reading, and science we are supposedly required to fit into one day! Lata.

Wow

2008-09-12T14:35:00.000-07:00

So I have never blogged before, but I have been so encouraged by the blogs of others, that I have finally decided to make one of my own, ha. I am not even really sure how people find your blog unless you tell them how, but if you have found mine, congratulations. You are better than I.

I'm Jenny. I'm a teacher, first grade AND 9th grade girls Student Bible Fellowship (awesome, by the way), and I enjoy a pretty simple little life with my amazingly gentle and strong husband, Sean. (Are you supposed to introduce yourself on here?)

The real reason I decided to start one is that I feel like the Lord has used the trials and teachings of other dear friends written out like this to encourage me, lift up my head, and remind me that I am not alone. We all struggle and we are all a mess at some point in our daily existence. And perhaps someone will be encouraged by my blurbs about my own journey with my precious Jesus (which is sometimes more of a stumble).

Well because being a teacher is probably one of the most challenging jobs in history, I am feeling a little beaten down these days. August is the worst, and getting in the swing of things is sometimes reminiscent of torture in elementary school. But my raggedness is not simply because of my job, though my job plays a large part. I feel like lately the Lord has been heavy on my heart concerning my own sin. I have always thought of myself as little else than one who belongs to Him, wholly and completely. For some of my life I may have behaved and believed like that, and it is perhaps something I have continued to believe that I am, even when I have not lived up to it. But He recently confronted me with the truth that my coworkers know little if anything about that person. I am not that person at work. Not that I am the opposite, I just don't burn in front of them. And I think the reason is that I think of it as temporary. I don't foresee myself ten years down the road in that same first grade classroom, with those same faces and rules and menial tasks. The thought of that terrifies me. There is a voice deep in my spirit that says there has to be more than that for me. (This is not a belief that there is no eternal value in the profession. I believe it is one of the only professions that actually HAS eternal value. I do not devalue it on any level, I just don't believe it to be my true and final calling.) And regardless of whether that is true for me or not, Scripture is very clear in 1 Corinthians when it says: "Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him." Whatever the future may hold, this is the life the Lord has assigned to me right now. I am called here. And my life is not wasted if I am a teacher forever, it is wasted if I don't live it to make much of Christ, and Him crucified. In everything. Even this.

So how do I do that? I find myself constantly asking "Why here? Why teaching? Why not singing? Why not another country? Why not movement and change?" I feel as though my passions lay dormant in me because I have no place to use them, no avenue by which to enjoy them! And yet God is silent on these matters. It is not for me to know right now, I suppose.

What is for me now, however, is to remember the faithfulness of God throughout my life. In my weakness, His power has been made perfect in me. In my brokenness, He has saved me. Every time.

So my prayer is this, that I would "be of good courage, and let us be courageous for our people and for the cities of our God, and may the Lord do what seems good to Him." (2 Samuel 10:12)